Hide You In My Heart
by Amanda N. Lupin
Summary: Sirius is ready to tell the Order and the world about his relationship and love for his favorite know-it-all, but is Hermione?
1. Please, Don't Leave

"We have to tell him sometime love." he said softly, delicately tracing the length of her from bare shoulder to thigh with his fingertips and kisses. She sighed contentedly, snuggling closer into the arms of the man behind her, who emitted a soft groan. "Mione, you're making it difficult for me to remain serious right now."

"Don't be silly," she giggled, turning about in his arms to face him, kissing him briefly. "You're always Sirius." he managed a half-smile. "I'll have to go back soon. We can talk about this later." she griped. He sighed, knowing they wouldn't, but it was soon forgotten as he melted once more into the young witch' kisses.

"I have to go back before they notice I'm gone." she whispered softly a few hours later, kissing his forehead. He groaned, not opening his eyes, but wrapping his arms tightly about her waist, and the sheets closer around the pair of them. "Sirius." she said desperately. "Please, Sirius. We go through this every time when I have to leave."

"So don't leave." he breathed softly into her bushy brown hair.

"You know I have to." she whispered.

"No you don't. Stay with me. Let them come looking for you. Let them find you here, with me. I don't care. I'll tell them myself that we're together. Hell, I'll tell that meddlesome bat Skeeter at the Prophet so the whole wizarding world knows it." he pleaded. "Mione I love..."

"No." she whispered shaking her head, "None of that." she pulled out of his arms and wrapping the sheet about her proceeded to pick up her scattered clothes and dress.

"Why not Hermione? Why won't you ever listen to me when I tell you that I love you?" he asked desperately, sitting up and pulling on his boxers.

"Don't lie. Not to me Sirius."

"What can I do to make you believe me?"

"You can start by not treating me like one more conquest."

"Never." he sputtered. "I never treated you like another notch in my bedpost."

"You probably told all the other girls the same thing. They were different, they were special, that you loved them too."

"Damnit Hermione, stop it!" he exclaimed, jumping from the bed and grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Let go of me."

"No. Not until you have heard me out." he said firmly. "I have had my fair share of women, I've never pretended otherwise with you, but this infuriating habit of yours, of comparing yourself with them has to stop. They were empty Hermione, they didn't mean anything to me. They did nothing for me except keep the other side of the bed warm at night and were gone, usually with their fair share of stolen galleons from my pants pockets, before the sun was up. I want you to stay, all night. I want to wake up beside you in the morning, every morning. I want to see you wandering around my house in my oversized shirt."

"I don't pressure you when you tell me you want to leave before sunrise each time we are together, not even when it kills me. Even when I feel like your throw-away. I figure I probably deserve it, ironic justice or something. I don't tell you I love you constantly because for some damnable reason you don't want to hear it or believe me."

"I curse the day that unnamed bastard stole your heart and broke it!" he shouted angrily, she flinched slightly as he maintained his tight grip on her arms rooting her to the spot. "I'd probably kill him if I knew who he was, go back to Azkaban and the dementors a happy man." he continued.

" I want you to be happy, to have whatever you want, but I can't be anything but what I am. I am a selfish bastard. I want you to be happy with me, to want me Hermione. Just once and awhile I want to feel like you to actually need me for more than a good shag when you're feeling lonely or neglected. I love you. Only you Hermione. There's never been another witch who's heard me say that, I could never have meant it."

"Please stay." he whispered, there was an uncharacteristic trembling in his voice, that made her knees feel weak. " Every time you leave, I'm terrified it's for good." She felt a silent, solitary tear slide down her cheek, slowly he let his hands fall from her arms, gently wiping away the tear and brushing her wild hair out of her face. "Stay." he begged softly, the gray eyes that met her amber ones pools of emotion. "Stay forever." he pleaded, kissing her briefly, before pressing his forehead to hers.

"You're really afraid I won't come back?" she whispered, eyes tearful.

"Terrified." he confessed, falling to his knees and taking her hands. "Stay. You're the only woman that could ever make me want to become an honest man."

"You shouldn't joke. Not about that."

"Who said I was joking?" he asked. Fishing into the pocket of his pants thrown haphazard onto the floor, he pulled out a small box.

"No way." she gasped.

"You might let me ask first." he chuckled. "Hermione Jane Granger, I love you. I love you and I'm not ashamed of it. I don't care if everyone knows it, I want to marry you, make you Mrs. Sirius Black, spend the rest of my life with you if you'll have me."

"Sirius." she whispered breathless, but a sudden, loud scraping noise broke their reverie, a terrified expression overtook her, and in a moment she was gone with a soft pop.


	2. The Hogwarts Express

" 'Dearest Hermione,' Dearest? Is he serious? Well, improved his English hasn't he, Krum? Not calling you Herm-o-ninny anymore, is he?"

"Give it back Ronald, that's my letter!"

"What are you afraid of? Me finding out your secret pet-names or something?" he taunted.

"Ron," Harry warned softly, but it fell upon deaf ears.

" 'I've never been mistaken for being a very serious bloke...' You've got to be kidding. Krum wouldn't know a joke if it was a bludger hitting him in the face, and he's always got that scowl set in. 'But for the first time in my life I feel foolish.' " Hermione, who had been jumping in an effort to snatch the letter from Ron's grasp suddenly stilled, falling back into her seat biting her lip. Ron continued unaware as he fought of Harry's attempts to take the letter from him. " 'Long ago without my knowing it I began investing far more in our friendship than you had ever given me cause to hope for..' Long ago? Bloody hell, he's only just met you last year. 'I rejoiced in your letters as I had little else in years, a spot of sun in my dark and cloudy existence, hope. I dared to dream again: impossible, wondrous dreams. Intangible dreams, or so I had thought. Gods they were so close I thought if I could just reach out, I might touch them. You made me feel complete where nothing else could. I lived a life unsatisfied, searching for something I couldn't give name to; searching for you. Arrogant, and so intoxicated by you, I was in no doubt I could make you love me every bit as much as I felt for you. But you had been hurt before, heard enough false declarations of love and affection. I tried instead to convey it in every word, every action, every touch, every kiss...' " Ron had stopped reading, it wasn't fun anymore. Hermione sat tearful, her face buried in her hands. Seizing upon the opportunity Harry snatched the letter from Ron's limp fingers and set it in Hermione's lap, who shook her head.

"I can't," she broke. "You read the rest, please Harry."

" 'Now in the quiet stillness of lonely solitude I see where I have erred. I thought if I could only quell your insecurities: convince you I wanted to be with you publicly, to hell with everyone else... If I could just make you believe I loved you, somehow everything else would just fall into place. Everything had always come so easily to me, why should this be any different? I was blind. Too proud to consider the alternative, less attractive truth: that you did not wish to be seen with me. That perhaps you might never love me as i had come to love you. I will not frighten you again with renewed sentiments of my violent passion, nor write you again unless you should express some wish for it, but I pray you accept the ring which was offered to you and is here enclosed, if not in the manner in which it was offered, then with the peace of mind that it shall never be offered to any other. I wish you nothing but all the best, and happiness you could not find with me. Yours Always...' " There was a blot of ink below the closing, where it seemed the author had paused on the verge of signing, then thought better of it. There was no name mentioned besides Hermione's. Harry gave her back the letter.

With shaky fingers Hermione untied the ring she had never had the chance to examine from the letter. It was beautiful, the small sapphire glittering in the light that streamed in through the compartment window. She slipped it on the appropriate finger before rising shakily to her feet. Ron who had been perfectly silent for some minutes.

"He proposed?" he managed shocked.

"Hermione," Harry began uncertainly.

"Thank you Harry. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change into my robes."

She took the letter with her, rereading it several times before her eyes were drawn back to the ring again. The memory of him kneeling in front of her with the small box brought a fresh wave of tears which she forced back as she felt the train slowing. They must be nearing Hogmeade, she thought. Hermione could not remember when she'd ever felt more miserable.


	3. Please, Don't Stop Writing

"Hermione, Pig could deliver that for you."

"Or Hedwig," Harry chimed in as she sealed her response that evening in the common room.

"No, but thank you," she replied softly, slipping out of the commons and making the trek to the Owlery. She couldn't send it with Pigwideon or Hedwig, there was too great a risk of someone in the Order recognizing them. No, it had to be a school owl.

...........

Sirius chuckled, dismissing the affectionate delivery owl with a piece of toast, as he tore open the seal.

I'm sorry. I was scared. Please don't stop writing.

Sirius choked on the bit of eggs he had been inhaling. That was all. There was nothing further written, no author indicated, but he knew.

Do you think it wise to indulge your ego in writing to your fan club?" Severs' cool voice cut in over the din of noise as Sirius had begun busing himself searching for a spare bit of parchment, ink and a quill to reply.

"Stuff it Snivelus."

"I suppose, one must find what entertainments they can. How difficult it must be to be safe under house arrest while others are risking their necks." Sirius jumped to his feet in an instant, knocking over his chair, but Snape, who had already stood, swept out of the room without a backward glance and was gone.

"Sirius," Remus tested, putting a hand on his arm. "I wonder if I might have a word, in private. The library perhaps?" Sirius snorted derisively. He would chose the library, but nodded and followed him out of the busy kitchen. "All these letters, these past two years," he mused softly after spelling the door from intruders and eavesdroppers. " all different owls, but from the same person." Sirius made no reply. " You may have the rest of the Order duped, but you won't pull the blindfold over my eyes Padfoot, old friend. Who is she, the witch worth the risk of getting caught?" Sirius just hook his head.

"You haven't told the others."

"Of course not, give me a little credit. Afraid of damaging your womanizer reputation?"

"I wouldn't mourn it if that reputation died," he replied softly.

"Merlin, your in love with her," he whispered stuned, Sirius nodded softly. "Never thought I'd see the day..."

"Neither did she. She's afraid I'll stray."

"Well let's face it, you don't have the greatest track record with long-term relationships going for you."

"I never met a woman I wanted to be with long-term."

"But this one's different?"

"Moony, I can't begin to tell you how much. She's my Lily; I'd do anything..." For a moment Remus could find nothing to say.

"Make sure she knows that mate."

"I'm trying to," Sirius replied smiling weakly. "I'm trying to."

..........

"No. No way. Absolutely not, Sirius, it's too dangerous."

"Buck up Moony, you're a maruader, not Molly."

"Sirius,"

"Please mate, I need this."

"And what exzctly am I supposed to tell the others when they realize you've gone?"

"There's no need for them to know. Tell them I'm sulking up in my room with Buckbeak, they'll believe it, especially coming from you."

"Sirius, I don't think..."

"Look, I'm going mate. I could use your help, but I'll go it alone if that's what it takes. I have to see her. I have to, I can't lose her."

"Alright," Remus surrendered, Sirius grinned, hugging him.


	4. Hogsmeade Weekend

The first week back from the holidays, though busy, failed to provide the necessary distraction Hermione had hoped for, and by Saturday she was in no better spirits. There had been no reply to her letter. Had he even recieved it? Perhaps something had happened to the owl, or Umbridge had intercepted it, or his reply, the toad. What if he's never got her letter? What if he thought she wanted nothing more to do with him. Oh god, Sirius, she thought mind frantic with possibilities, don't do anything rash. She glanced down at her parchment where she had absently written his name, repeatedly. She crumpled it and chucked it into the nearby fire.

"Are you mad? You had nearly three feet on Snape's essay!" Ron exclaimed stunned.

"Then you'll just have to find someone else's essay to copy won't you? Merlon forbid, you actually do the work yourself," she grumbled stuffing her books into her bag and marching up the stairs to deposit them on her bed.

...............

"I need to look for a new quill," she had said once they had entered the town of Hogsmeade.  
"Oh okay," Harry managed, both boys rather at a loss for how to handle their emotionally delicate friend, watched her carefully: like a bomb that might go off at any moment.

"No, you two go ahead. I'm a big girl, I handle it myself well enough."

"Right, er, maybe we'll see you later then," Ron stumbled.

"Yeah, maybe," she replied a bit insincerely, attempting a weak smile as she watched the two of them set off in the opposite direction.

"You're too cheerful,love," came a soft whisper and chuckle. Hermione whipped about, she knew that voice, unmistakably, but there was no body accompanying it, not that she wanted to see him, not here in Hogsmeade at least, it was too dangerous. "You're not going crazy," came the whisper again, she could feel breath hot in her ear, then invisible arms wrapping about her waist.

"Sirius?" she whispered shakily. An invisible kiss assailed her cheek.

"Right in one, love. I tried writing you back, but I had to see you."

"But I can't see you," she whimpered as her neck was besieged with invisible kisses.

"The Shrieking Shack," he whispered, an invisible hand taking hers. She followed.

A wand appeared from thin air as she shut the door, tapping an invisible surface which soon materialized as the man in question. For a moment, the two simply stared at each other. Tears spilling over Hermione's eyes. Suddenly she rushed him and started pounding on his chest with tightly curled fists before he caught them.

"What are you doing here, are you mad?"

"That's the popular theory," he chuckled.

"What if you had been seen? Or caught?"

"I had to see you," he repeated softly, fingers combing through her windswept curls.

"I'm not worth the risk involved, Sirius."

"Of course you are, the sooner you accept that the easier this will be. I'm coming every weekend."

"You can't."

"I'm here now aren't I? I'd say that proves that I can."

"Don't," she pleaded.

"So, I'm not to stop writing, but I'm not to see you?" Hermione bit her lip. "Tell me to leave and I will, right now. I was going mad being locked up in that house before, but if I can't see you again until June, they might as well put me in a room at St. Mungos with Lockheart."

"That's not funny, Sirius."

"I'm not laughing, love. I'm the same selfish bastard I was a week ago, I can't help it. As soon as I got your letter, I knew I had to see you again."

"Why did you send me the ring?"

"You must have read the letter,"

"In a manner of speaking... Ron stole it on the train, thought it might be amusing to read Viktor Krum's declarations of love."

"That Prat!"

"Shh. Believe me I think he's learned his lesson," she comforted, taking his face in her hands.

"You're wearing it," he gasped breathless. "The ring. You're wearing it." Hermione blushed and avoided his searching gray eyes.

"I'm sorry," she broke letting out a sob, collapsing into tears against his chest.

"Shh. It's alright. Here, sit."

"I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have disappeared on you like that I just... I heard someone coming, and I..." Yes, Remus and his impecable timing, Sirius thought frustratedly.

"Panicked," he finished for her, pulling her closer to him. "It's alright love. It was my fault. It was too soon, too fast for you and I knew it. I just got carried away... I meant what I said. That ring is yours it could never belong to another witch."

"Oh, Sirius,"she whispered softly, pulling him down into a kiss. He caught her small hands in his as they had reached for the buttons of his shirt.

"Not this time, love," he whispered with great restraint.

"You don't want to?" she asked confused. You don't want me anymore? He smiled comfortingly, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"If you have to ask that, love, you don't know me very well. I just want to show you we can be more than that. I can be more than that, love. Let's talk, we can come back to that."

"What about?"

"Anything, love. I want to know you, your hopes, dreams..."

"What about you? Can I ask you things?"

"Whatever you want to, love."

"Your first crush," she tested.

"Anything, but that," he ammended chuckling. "Oh come on!" he exclaimed as she continued to stare expectantly. "You are cruel witch."

"And you knew what you were getting into ages ago, so spill," Sirius let out a heavy sigh.

"I did say anything, didn't I?" Hermione giggled nodding. Well, Sirius supposed it was worth making her laugh and smile. "You cannot tell anyone..." They never did get back to it, but by the time she needed to return to the castle, neither much cared.


	5. Just This One

"Sirius?" she called softly. No answer came. She tried once more, a little softer, "Sirius?" Suddenly a large pair of hands covered her eyes.

"Guess who?"

"Sirius, you shouldn't have come. What are you doing here?"

"The same thing as you I expect, I had to see you again. You're not going to tell me you were hoping I wouldn't answer, that I hadn't come back."

"It's too dangerous for you to come here like this, just to see me."

"Then you'll just have to stop coming here to discourage me."

"You won't sneak out to see me if next Saturday I just never turn up?"

"I;m not sure one weekend's absence would be enough of a deterrent, love," he chuckled. "I might just break into the castle again to see you."

"Would you be disappointed if I said I don't think I could stay away from you for a weekend?"

"Absolutely devastated," he grinned, drawing her into a kiss.

"Minnie would have had stronger will power," she giggled. Sirius pulled back chuckling, but shaking his head in disgust.

"I knew I should never have told you that!" he yelled, still laughing heartily.

"Shh!" she warned.

"Lighten up 'Mione, the observation point is too far away for anyone to hear us hollering. 'Sides everyone thinks the old place is haunted thanks to dear old Moony. That man needs to find himself a girl."

"I have some friends," she giggled.

"Naughty witch," he gasped laughing.

"Tonks likes him, you know."

"What Nymphadora? My cousin, Nymphadora?"

"Who would drop dead if ever you started calling her Tonks as she insists everyone else does. Yes, your cousin. Haven't you noticed how awkward she is around him?"

"Well yeah, but Nymphadora's always been a bit of a klutz."

"You never wondered how she can give it as well as she gets with you, but when he's around she can't seem to string two good words together? Take it from one who knows, she's got it bad."

"God she had the hugest crush on him when we were in school. Andromeda used to ask us to sit for her," he smiled lost for a moment in memory, she smiled too. Happy memories like these must have been a precious commodity when he was thrown into Azkaban only a few years later. He was eyeing her intently as she pulled herself from her reverie. "You would know 'hun? So I should be aiming to strike you inarticulate then, good to know. Did Krum?"

"No," she admitted. "I was rather annoyed by him at first actually." Sirius' face broke into an ear to ear grin.

"Must be doing something right then." She laughed, but noticed suddenly his mood had become more somber. "And Ron?" he whispered concerned, avoiding her gaze. How did he know about Ron, she'd never mentioned...Molly, she thought suddenly. Mrs. Weasley even now, was probably planning their 'inevitable' wedding. Merlin!

"I don't want to talk about him, Sirius," she whispered softly. When his mood persisted, she added, "He's a git. He's lost his chance," she cupped his face in her hands pulling him into a somewhat reluctant kiss.

"Do you love him, Hermione?" It was a mark of his doubt and insecurity that he was using her full name, the number of times he had done so before could be counted on one hand. Is there any hope you could love me, love, he thought sadly.

"I did," she replied gently. "I do," he winced. "I always will," she whispered, he pulled away from her touch. "But I'm not in love with him anymore. He's like a brother to me, Sirius. I'll love him no matter what he does, but we're not meant to be together, not romantically. We just aren't suited for it, we'd sooner kill each other. I have no doubt Molly will get a wonderful daughter-in-law and plenty of grand-babies from him, it just won't be with me." A flicker of hope shot through his veins as he met her eyes once more, before his gaze was irresistibly drawn to the ring still on her finger her other hand was absentmindedly playing with. She was still wearing it. She hadn't said yes, but surely that meant there was some hope. He smiled, drawing her into his arms and kissed her.

"I'm afraid," she whispered softly into his chest, eyes full of salty, unshed tears.

"What are you afraid of, love?"

"That one day you'll get bored with me, and leave," she choked, sobbing into his chest.

"Never," he whispered fervently, his hands combing through her hair. "I will never grow tired of you Hermione, I love you. I'm not leaving. I'll always come back for you. I'll keep coming here whether you want me to or not, until you believe it, believe in me. I'm not asking you to trust all men again," he soothed softly, "just this one." She smiled weakly up at him. "That's a start," he whispered smiling, pulling her tighter to him. "That'll do."


	6. No More Lectures

"You came," she exhaled breathlessly, smiling brilliantly at him where he stood at the top of the rickety stairs.

"What no lecture this week? You're going soft on me 'Mione, you might be marauder material yet." he chuckled shooting her one of his trademark grins as she climbed the stairs to meet him.

"Sirius?" she whispered, reaching the step just below him.

"Yes, love?"

"Shut up and kiss me already."

"Impatient little witch," he chuckled, pulling her taut to against him his lips crashed down upon hers as though intent on devouring them.

"You came," she repeated softly where she snuggled against his chest after they had sunk against the wall some moments later.

"I told you I would, didn't I? Every week."

"No more lectures," she smiled softly. "I'd miss you too much if you didn't come," she whispered, caressing his cheek.

"Feeling's mutual, love," he soothed smiling.

"I was thinking," she began, Sirius snorted.

"Sorry love, it's just when are you not? I'd be willing to bet that brain of yours keeps a few cogs turning even while you're sleeping." Hermione blushed and avoided his gaze. "That wasn't meant to be an insult love. Merlin, the pranks and hijynx I could get up to if I had half your intellect." Hermione shook her head, but he ignored it. "So, you were thinking," he prompted.

"Well, Dumbledore has expressed that he believes it would be safer for me to spend the summer holiday at Headquarters, and send my parents somewhere out of Voldemort's grasp."

"I'm sorry, love. I'd like to meet them one day, that is if you think I wouldn't scare them out of their knickers," she smiled.

"I will always love them dearly, they're wonderful people, but they don't understand the magical world. It'll be safer for them."

"And you," he smiled, tenderly combing his fingers through her hair.

"Maybe," she snorted, gesturing to him. He pulled his hands away, raising them immediately in mock surrender, chuckling.

"You don't trust me to follow the rules while you're there?"

"Oh, don't pretend to be hurt. When have you ever been one to follow the rules?"

"No visiting your room, no inappropriate comments or contact in front of Harry, Ron or the rest of the Order..." he recited. "Scout's honor," he mimed crossing his heart.

"Yes, but I believe there was one more," she smiled playfully.

"Nope, can't remember it," he chuckled. Hermione slapped his arm playfully.

"I-will-not-fall-in-love, ringing any bells?"

"Never should have promised that one love, I didn't have a prayer in the world of keeping it," she smiled.

"You really think you could follow the other two?"

"No. But if that's what you want, Merlin knows I'd try."

"I love you," she laughed happily, drawing him into a fierce hug.

"What?" he sputtered stunned. She drew back from his arms with careful slowness, leveling her gaze to meet his wide gray eyes as the gravity of her own words sunk in.

"I love you," she whispered softly, eyes shinning with happy tears. Sirius swept her up into another all-consuming kiss before she could change her mind. "I love you Sirius Black."

"What about your third rule?" he whispered grinning.

"Some rules were made to be broken," she shrugged smiling.

"Bloody hell," he marveled as her nimble fingers began making quick work of his buttoned shirt. "I love you too 'Mione," he whispered between kisses.


	7. Certainty

"I was thinking of breaking the other two as well," she whispered softly, turning to face him where they lay wrapped up in each other in post-coital bliss. He raised his eyebrows interestedly, tracing the shape of her face with his fingertips, memorizing every precious contour and inch. "I don't want to hide anymore, Sirius. I thought maybe this summer, when everyone's together again, we could..."

"You want to tell everyone about us, love?" he whispered surprised. "Are you sure 'Mione?"

"You're not?" she asked suddenly looking fearful.

"Of course not love, I've never been more certain of anything. I just want to be sure you are. It's a big step for you love, for us," he amended. "They're not likely to approve at first, some might not ever," he added, thinking of the matron Weasley. "I just want to be sure you're ready for that."

"You love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then I'm ready for anything," she nodded smiling softly. "What are you grinning about, Sirius Black?"

"I'm trying to imagine the look on poor Moony's face when I tell him the mystery woman I've been sneaking out to see is none other than his favorite fellow bookworm," he chuckled.

"You think he'll approve?" she asked biting her lip. With a gentle finger, he saved her bottom lip from her nervous tick before kissing her softly.

"He'll be surprised," he chuckled. "And I'm sure I'll get a lecture about treating you right, not breaking your heart, or screwing this up. Gaurenteed to be the first of many," he sighed. "But he's already said he can't remember the last time he's seen me this happy. He just wants the best for both of us."

"Harry's the same way," she smiled.

"You think he'll forgive me for going after one of his best mates?"

"So long as you treat me well," she laughed softly.

"Wouldn't dream of having it any other way. He's so like his father."

"I'm sorry, I should never have told you you confuse him with James."

"It was true," he shrugged.

"But it was cruel of me to say it."

"Don't apologize, love. You keep me honest. I'd be a right ignorant git without you or Remus to keep me in check," he chuckled. She smiled as he pulled her into another kiss.

"I love you," they whispered in unison.


	8. Order Sympathies

"Sirius, this woman you keep seeing, she can't know what you are risking to see her," Remus began concerned.

"She does," Sirius insisted unyielding. "She's been telling me every week since January not to come."

"So then she would understand if you weren't able to see her anymore."

"Like hell! You cut me off at the knees and I'll crawl to where she is. She might understand, but I'd go mad."

"Sirius, every time you leave you risk being seen, caught, and thrown back in Azkaban. You risk exposing the Order and everything we've worked for, everything you know. I haven't learned a damn thing since we were in school together," he said, more to himself now than his friend. "Not a damn thing. But after that first time, well I couldn't very well tell you no, I can't remember the last time I've ever seen you so happy. I couldn't stop you."

"So don't."

"Sirius," he warned.

"Remus."

"I can't continue to lie for you, Sirius it's too dangerous."

"Moony,"

"No, Sirius. I can't."

"Remus, please. You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important to me."

"I don't understand. How is it you even know this woman, Sirius? Wait a mo-- Bloody hell Sirius, why do you need to sneak out of Headquarters to date an Order member? There must be a safer alternative. Is it Amelia?" he asked seizing eagerly on the idea of finally solving the mystery. "Only she's always had a bit of a soft spot for you, even in school." Sirius shook his head.

"She's not an Order member. But she's heard of us. She has erm, Order sympathies," he stumbled.

"Not Amelia, then."

"No, not Amelia."

"Well maybe you could talk to Dumbledore about having her inducted, then she could come and see you. She could move in even, if you wanted to that is, I mean, well it is still your house. I don't think I've ever seen a girl last this long with you, mate."

"Two weeks," Sirius whispered.

"Two weeks? Sirius I know Arithmancy wasn't your area of expertise, but you've been seeing her since at least January, that I know about. That's every Saturday for nearly five months, mate."

"No, I need you to cover for me for two more weekends. Two more Saturdays."

"You're going to need a new alibi," Sirius beamed, hugging him forcefully. "I mean it Sirius. This business of being in a splendid mood every day of the week but Saturdays. They're getting suspicious, mate. It doesn't make sense, every other day, you're happier than anyone's ever seen you."

"So I should be consistantly inconsolable all week then?"

"Don't be a git. And Merlin help me if Dumbledore ever decides to show up here while you're out, or Severus for that matter, you know I haven't the foggiest idea how to block them from reading my thoughts."

"Don't worry mate, I'll think of something," he beamed excitedly.

"Sirius?" Sirius, who had been nearing the door to leave the library spun neatly on his heels.

"Yeah, mate?"

"What happens in two weeks?" Sirius broke out into the widest, happiest, and proudest smile Remus had ever witnessed, on his friend or anyone he'd ever encountered.

"Then she comes home," Before Remus could ask anything more, Sirius was already gone off down the hall, whistling cheerfully as she went.


	9. Heartbeats

Sirius would laugh, Hermione thought, to think she had let the pressure of exams get her so worked up. They had always made her anxious, but the flurry of butterflies in her stomach had never actually made her sick before. Sliding into the bath she'd drawn up, Hermione let out a soft sigh of contentment. Stiff and sore muscles relaxed as she sank in up to her neck. Loads better, she thought happily. She was in fact so relaxed that she had completely submerged herself in the warm water and bubbles before realizing she'd never quite mastered the ability to avoid breathing in through her nose while under. Coughing and spluttering she reemerged grasping blindly beside the tub for her wand. Why on Earth were muggles forever doing that in that movies, and how is it they weren't choking or taking on water? Finding her wand she gave it a wave before allowing herself to sink back into the warmth and bubbles. The bubblehead charm held true. It was interesting, beautiful in it's own sort of way to watch the light rippling and reflecting off the water's surface above her, rather peaceful. she could hear her heartbeat, and stilled to listen to it.

Something just wasn't quite right about it, though she couldn't immediately say what, it wasn't often she slowed and took the time to listen to her heartbeat. she was so still, so determined to solve the mystery now she could feel and see each heartbeat. There. There it was. Her hand had been on her breast, her heart between beats she was certain of it, and yet she had heard something. A murmur, barely more than a whisper, but nonetheless present. A heartbeat, and then another. Merlin, that's what it was, she thought stunned. Bloody hell, it was another heartbeat. she had thought the stress of O.W.L.s was what had caused her to be late, but... Wow. But no, she couldn't be. Hogwarts was warded against... Hogwarts, but not Hogsmeade, she thought suddenly. Gods how could she have been so careless?

Calm down Hermione, you don't know anything for certain yet, there must be some sort of spell or potion... How would Sirius take it? He'd never mentioned a desire to have children, and yet... Oh, she hoped he would be happy, excited, she thought staring down at her seemingly unchanged stomach. Would it be a boy or a girl?


	10. Three Words That Rocked My World

Hermione was in a testy and fowl mood and she knew it, but more than exams were getting under he skin. Last Saturday had been the full moon so Sirius, having no one to cover for him, and had written a bereft note of apology to say that he would be looking forward to seeing her the following Saturday. Two days later however, the examination schedules for O.W.L.s arrived with the news that Hermione's Arithmancy examination would be taking place the following Saturday after lunch. Two weeks! Two weeks, she thought miserably. Her only consolation, in fact, was in two weeks time she would be able to see him every day for the duration of the summer. The rest of the Order be damned, everyone who really mattered to the two of them would eventually accept it and be happy for them, she thought determinedly as she walked up the staircase with Ron. Harry met them halfway down the steps looking pale and worried sick.

"Voldemort's got Sirius." The three words that rocked her whole world. What?!? Surely it couldn't be true, there was no way. Headquarters was well guarded and unplottable, and Sirius wouldn't leave the house except to see her ad he's already said... Her mind reeled, searching for an explanation. No, Sirius was safe. Harry was growing impatient, but she was resolute and rational, she had to be or she'd fall apart. Shut up Harry, she thought desperately. I can't afford to doubt myself.

"Harry, I'm begging you, please! Please let's just check that Sirius isn't at home before we go charging off to London--if we find out he's not there then I swear I won't try and stop you, I'll come, I'll d-do whatever it takes to try and save him--"

"Sirius is being tortured NOW!" Harry shouted, Hermione flinched her heart racing. No, she thought, but it was little more than a whisper. Please, no.

..............................

"That bitch," Hermione thought furiously, glaring at Professor Umbridge with a Snape worthy scowl that might have set off a thousand hexes and curses, as her wand was wrestled from her. I should have known better than to trust she hadn't put up more enchantments after the nifflers, she thought angrily. But that didn't matter now, the panic-stricken look on Harry's face was all the answer she needed; Sirius had not answered his call to Headquarters. The inquisitorial rats, soon came in with their coconspiritors, along with Neville who it seemed had tried to help Ginny.

Hermione all but kicked herself when Draco left in search of the potions master. How had she forgotten about Snape? One glance at Harry told her he too was furious at his own faulty memory. I should have remembered, she thought disappointedly. We might have had more help, but no, even Snape would have had to use Umbridge's fire to talk to Headquarters without being traced; they hadn't been all wrong. Professor Snape, wouldn't have gotten caught though, she thought angrily, brow furrowed.

"He's got Padfoot! He's got Padfoot in the place where it's hidden!" Harry shouted. Oh gods, Harry, what have you done? She was grateful to find Snape's face impassive, but immediately realized this meant she too could not determine whether or not he had understood the message. Gods, no. Please let him understand, she panicked. Think Hermione! Think fast!


	11. Oh Bugger,

He can't be dead. He's still fighting, Hermione thought resolutely. He's still fighting, she whispered as Harry yelled in the direction of the receiver in the cramped visitor's entrance to the Ministry. If he were dead Harry's scar would hurt, or he'd feel it, see it, he'd know. He's not dead, I'd feel it, she thought desperately, but a seed of doubt lodged itself somewhere between her heart and mind, she had not felt him being tortured by Voldemort though.

Row 97. Where the hell was he?

"Harry?" Harry didn't answer. even after ignoring her warnings not to touch the small glowing orb with his name on it, her mind was a flurry. Put it back Harry, you don't know what it might do. But he heeded neither her spoken or furious thoughts.

"Very good, Potter. Now turn around, nice and slowly, and give that to me." Bugger, she knew that voice.

...............................................

Hermione's heart sank a little more with each of the hooded female deatheater's taunts. Sirius wasn't here, he never had been. They had delivered themselves right into the hands of the enemy. Oh Merlin, he would be so disappointed, she thought sadly. Please Sirius, don't do anything stupid. The thoughts haunted her until the Deatheater she had spelled silent cast a wordless spell at her. Hermione's words died mid-sentence as incredible pain wrenched through her body, she grabbed her stomach convulsively. No, she whispered softly. Hermione's world shrinking into the increasing black, she fell to the floor still clutching her abdomen, and remembered no more.


	12. Hide You in My Heart

Hermione woke with a start squinting, straining to see against the bright sunlight which was streaming in through her bedside window. Her whole body ached, but more than that, she was plagued with a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. More morning sickness? No, this was something new entirely. Immeasurable pain, a sort of emptiness, and inexplicable grief that terrified her. Groaning she managed to pull herself up to a sitting position and dragged her legs to dangle over the side of the bed. She was in the hospital wing at Hogwarts.

"Miss Granger, I had not expected to see you up so soon. You should lie back down, you need to save your strength. How are you feeling today?" A thousand questions raced through her mind, many she knew it would do no good to ask Madam Pomfrey.

"Harry?" she asked, surprised at the hoarseness of her own voice.

"Everyone is fine dear: Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, Miss Lovegood... Mr. Weasley is recovering in the bed beside you. I'm afraid he's sleeping at the moment, but he's sure to wake soon if you wish to speak to him," the older woman replied smiling. "You two will have a lot to talk about."

"I'm sorry?"

"You're pregnant, dear." Hermione let out a sigh of relief and the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in, then immediately tensed.

"Erm. Madme Pomfrey, you haven't told anyone else yet have you?" she asked nervously.

"I thought it best you tell them yourself dear. I've been taking extra care to make sure your potions don't cause any harm though, but you'll likely want to speak to Professor Snape about potions as you progress." Thank Merlin, she thought silently, the last thing she needed was the whole school, or Molly thinking she was pregnant with Ron's baby. She thanked Madame Pomfrey and after assuring her she would not strain herself, the older witch bustled away to tend to her other wards.

.....................................

Harry came to see her later that afternoon. He smiled only once upon seeing that she was finally awake and recovering. It would be the last time she would see him smile for a long time, and in that moment, though she couldn't bear the thought of it, she understood the feelings of loss and grief: he was gone. Even when Harry managed to choke out the words to tell her, she didn't want to believe it. He had come with members of the Order; Kingsley, Remus, Tonks, even Dumbledore had later arrived, to rescue them. If they hadn't gone to the Ministry, Sirius might never have left the house, might never have... She might have been with him at Headquarters in a week's time sharing a good laugh about everyone's shock with their announcement, celebrating their newfound love, and the new life the two of them had created together. He didn't know, I never got the chance to tell him he was going to be a father, she thought devastated.

Drawing back from her reverie she looked at Harry, who also seemed to be lost in thought. He blames himself. Merlin, he thinks this is all his fault. And in that moment, Hermione Granger knew, whatever happened she could never tell Harry that the baby was his Godfather's. Could never live with the devastating consequences such a revelation would have on him. All of the horrible things she had said to him in her own grief, and attempts to preserve her own sanity, to believe that Sirius was alive and unharmed haunted her now. His hero complex, his _Saving people thing_... He wouldn't be Harry to be any other way. Just as Sirius could never have stayed at home once he realized she and Harry were in harm's way. He was miserable now, but if he had any idea of all that had been lost... he'd never be able to live with himself. She couldn't do that to him. The identity of her baby's father would be a secret she would hide within her heart forever.


	13. Nightmares

"Crucio!" Hermione screamed writhing wildly on the cold marble floor, clutching her abdomen in vain effort to protect her secret.

"No," she whispered voice hoarse from her screams. Let someone from the Order come, Kingsley or Arthur, someone, anyone. She can kill me, I'll be with Sirius, but my baby… she thought frantically. Someone must have heard me, someone will come…

Bellatrix cackled sycophantically. "Oh don't worry your pretty little head, I'll be taking care of that abomination your carrying once I'm finished with you," she taunted. Hermione drew her knees up to her stomach and clutched them tight to her chest even as another wave of excruciating pain slammed her weak and abused body. "My foolish nephew should have known there would be retribution for his indiscretions, dirtying our ancient bloodlines with a filthy-little mudblood," she spat angrily, kicking the young witch's twitching body.

This cannot last much longer, the young witch thought, wincing as she was struck once more by the curse. I can't last much longer.

"Please," Hermione pleaded desperately. "Not my baby. Please not my baby. Kill me, but spare my baby." The young witch was begging now. Begging the psychopathic bitch that had murdered her own blood and her lover to spare their child's life. It was a foolish and useless venture and she knew it, but it was all she had the strength left to do. That, and clutching her knees to her swollen stomach until her last breath, which she suspected was not far away. Hermione Granger was going to die, right here, alone in the Department of Mysteries, but she would be damned if her last breath, her dying strength she wasn't spent fighting to save their baby. I'm sorry, Sirius, she thought weakily her arms and eyelids both seeming to grow heavier by the minute as spasms of unimaginably pain rocked her body, I failed.

"Hermione? Hermione?"

"Sirius?" Hermione asked hopefully. She sat up. Heaven, looked a lot like the Hogwarts Hospital wing.

"I'm sorry Miss Granger, but I'm afraid not." Professor Dumbledore replied softly, a pitying look gracing his normally bright blue eyes. The young witch burst into tears, no longer caring if the headmaster, or anyone saw, or what they might make of them. The headmaster allowed her to cry for sometime before attempting to speak again. "Your pregnant," he broached delicately. Hermione nodded, meeting his gaze through teary eyes. He didn't look angry, or even disappointed, she thought, he seemed to feel sorry for the young witch, which in Hermione's mind had to be even worse. "When you are recovered enough, I would appreciate it if you would stop by my office to see me. Anytime, I will make room, we have many arrangements to discuss," again she nodded. "Would you like a calming potion to help you sleep?" the headmaster asked kindly. Hermione shook her head, she wasn't sure she wanted to sleep again, every time she woke, she seemed to lose him all over again.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Hermione," the old wizard whispered softly. As he left the young witch swore she saw the moonlight from her window reflecting off a tear halfway down his wrinkled cheek.


	14. Of Tears & Dignity

"Get up," a cool callous voice ordered. The young witch remained in her crumpled heap on the beside the fire, sniffling and crying. She was an ugly-crier. Not that he had seen very many people cry, much less known any who made crying attractive, but this was pitiful, and noisy. From what he could remember of the childhood he'd just as soon forget, his mother's tears had been much more composed, silent, dignified, and never with an audience present. The witch in front of him clearly didn't care who saw or heard her. "Get up," he repeated, more forceful this time grabbing her wrist and hauling her to stand on trembling legs. "You should receive your O.W.L. scores within the month. I expect you managed to pull off at least an 'A' so there is no reason for you to be a puddle of emotion on my floor." The young witch shook her head, biting her lip. "No? That isn't it? I cannot imagine any good reason as to why you would be troubling me for anything else," he whispered almost dangerously, but the young girl remained where she stood, albeit ungainly, amber-brown eyes fixed upon his dark black ones as she forced back tears. Thank Merlin she hadn't tried to apparate here in this state or the magical-reversal squad could well spend the next few weeks finding and picking up her pieces.

"I'm--Pregnant," she whispered so soft it was barely audible.

"Congratulations," Snape replied unenthusiastically. "Another Weasley, I really should consider retiring," he muttered sarcastically.

"Not a Weasley," she squeaked quietly. Snape's eyebrows disappeared into the black curtains of his hair. No? Well Surely it wasn't Potter's. "Not Harry's," she whispered as though reading his mind. Hmm that thought had some merit, he hesitated. "It's alright," she whispered "Read it, I don't care." Moments later Snape was being assaulted by memory after memory, waves of emotion, and images of Sirius Black.

"That _thing _is _his_?" Snape whispered incredulous and venomous. Hermione clutched her barely swollen abdomen defensively, as Snape let out a sigh that sounded almost like a hiss. For Merlin's sake. "And why exactly is this whole mess," he gestured sweepingly at her. "any of my concern?" Hermione let out a soft whimper.

"It isn't," she admitted, her gaze dropping to the floor. Snape raised an eyebrow in interest. "I can't come back." The brightest witch of the age, dropping out of Hogwarts?

"Surely Dumbledore doesn't..."

"It's too dangerous," she interrupted softly, stilling the arguments. "I'll be using a secret-keeper,"

"Not Potter or Weasley." Hermione shook her head.

"No, not Harry or Ron."

"And not me."

"No.

"So where do I fit into this equation Miss Granger?" Her gaze dropped to her stomach where her hand rested. "Have you lost control of all your senses?"

"I need help," she whispered.

"Hermione," he began exasperated, both immediately stilled and were momentarily silent. "Miss Granger," he corrected returning to more formal and comfortable terms. "Surely Molly would be a more appropriate choice. I've absolutely no experience..."

"Mrs. Weasley has no more experience being a mid-wife than you do professor. Besides you know potions and spells, what I can and shouldn't take, and if something should happen you're an experienced duelist, your well-trained in Defense-Against-the-Dark-Arts..." she began, a little more confidently.

"You would trust me with something as important as this? Whatever would Black think of all this?"

"Sirius," she corrected. "is dead." Only the slight trembling in the hand that rested over her belly belied any emotion.

"Indeed. You must know even by coming here and informing me of your condition you put yourself, and your unborn in danger. You know my connections and dealings with the Dark Lord. I am dangerous, not to be trusted, surely the rest of the Order has already tried to impress this upon you."

"They don't know."

"None of them?" Only his disappearing eyebrows betraying his mild shock and surprise on his otherwise always collected face.

"I've already talked with professor Dumbledore, and Harry and Ron..."

"I should have known Potter and Weasley would know."

"They don't know the father. They think its some muggle boy, dodging responsibility."

"You didn't tell them...?"

"That Harry's only family and father-figure, Sirius and I were lovers for nearly a year, I never told them, and now I'm carrying his baby? No, I didn't tell them. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks anymore," I'm alone now, she thought sadly. "It's my decision and I trust you--implicitly-with my life, and the baby's," she whispered, caressing her stomach.

"Well you shouldn't," he replied icily, thinking of what he had promised to do for the only other man who trusted him.

"Please," she begged softly, eyes misty once more. Oh gods. Finally Severus nodded. He was immediately attacked with one of her famous bone-crushing hugs. There'd better not be any nonsense of insisting it be named after him, he thought darkly.

……………………………………….

"Dress it up however you see fit Albus, there is no balance in taking lives and saving them. No one else will ever see it your way; a murderer, is a murderer. Protecting Miss Granger and her spawn is no more the key to my salvation than her lover is likely to return from his grave," Severus whispered angrily when the young witch has left and Dumbledore made herself visible once more. "She's really not returning next year?" Albus shrugged. "That doesn't concern you?"

"Hermione is brilliant in her own right, I doubt whether an inability to attend school will prevent her from achieving an adequate education. I have utmost confidence in her, as I do in you Severus." Snape got the feeling these words meant something more, perhaps it was intuition, Legimency, or perhaps it was the way his eyes twinkled behind his half-moon spectacles, but the wink as he took his leave was most definitely disconcerting.


	15. The SecretKeeper

"Crucio!" Hermione screamed, jolting awake and setting bolt upright her body covered in cold sweat. That dream again, alone in the Department of Mysteries with nothing but unimaginable pain and Bella's taunts, and no one to hear her cries. Tears overwhelmed her, as she wrapped her sheets tighter about her. For a moment she thought it might even have been better if it had been real, if she had closed her eyes and they never opened again, she could be with Sirius again.

....................................

"Pr-Pro-Professor Lupin?" Hermione stuttered, blinking in the blinding light from within the house as the door swung open.

"Merlin, Morganna, and Arthur! What are you doing out in the rain?"

"I..." Hermione tried, but no words would come. Before she could formulate a response, Remus had grabbed her wrist and yanked her inside, inadvertently pulling her to his chest, where the young witch dissolved into a puddle of tears, hugging him fiercely.

"Hermione?" the stunned man asked uncertainly, her renewed ferocity with her hug the only indication of acknowledgement that she had heard him at all as she continued to sob into his gray sweater. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at Hogwarts? Where's Harry, and Ron? A thousand questions swirled in his brain, but as she wept against his chest he knew they would have to wait, he could do nothing now, but hold her until she had calmed slightly. "Here, come in. Let's sit down and get you dry," he soothed, leading her gently across his sparse and rather shabby flat to the mattress that lay on the floor. It was pitiful, but all he could afford, and with missions and the war to keep him busy and away, he rarely noticed enough to be self-conscious as he was now leading the young witch sit on his bed. He knew she wasn't a witch to care, Merlin bless her, but he wished he could have provided something better in her time of need. The young witch was dry once more with a quick sweep of his hand, but he offered her a blanket anyway. Trying to speak, but finding no voice she gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. Remus blushed embarrassedly, his gaze dropping to the worn planks of his hardwood floor.

Slowly, with shaking fingers, his peripheral vision caught sight of her unbuttoning the top of her jeans, then untucking her wrinkled shirt and unbuttoning it from the bottom up. What? Bloody hell.

"Hermione, what are you doing?" he sputtered confused. She gently raised a finger to his lips to silence him, and met his eyes, her own full of unshed tears. She stopped unbuttoning mid-way up her shirt, and gently pulled it back to reveal her stomach. It didn't look abnormal, not that Remus had ever seen it before, much less had many other young witch's to compare it with. Hermione gently took Remus' hand and she placed his palm flat her abdomen. His eyes widened in dawning comprehension, and she nodded.

"Two months," she whispered in answer to his unasked question. "I can't go back to Hogwarts like this, it would be too dangerous. Anyway, I would only be a risk to Harry and Ron." she whispered softly. "I'm going away to my grandfather's house in the country. I need a secret keeper."

"Of course, but why me, Hermione?"

"Because I want the baby' godfather to keep us safe," she whispered softly. Remus shook his head.

"Hermione, you don't want to do that."

"Yes, I do. I'm absolutely certain that's what I want. I trust you more than anyone in the world."

"What about Harry?"

"I don't want him to know who the father is," she whispered sadly. It would tear him apart, she thought miserably.

"Harry doesn't know? Does Ron know about this? Why don't you stay at the burrow you know Molly would..." he began, but she shook her head.

"I don't doubt that she would take care of us, but it's not Ron' baby Pro-Remus," she corrected quietly. He's too busy chasing Lavender Brown's skirt, and I can't put anyone else in unnecessary danger. "They think it's some muggle boy, who left me."

"Hermione, I don't understand, who's the father?" The young witch stared meaningfully up into his eyes, silent tears streaming down her cheeks, she seemed unable to speak. He stared back into her pained eyes, then suddenly gasped. _She's heard about us. She has erm, Order sympathies_. Bloody hell. "Hermione?"

"Hogsmeade weekends," she whispered softly.

"Sirius," he whispered, palm still flat on her slightly raised stomach. More tears as she swallowed hard and nodded, hugging the now shell-shocked man beside her once more. Slowly Remus extricated himself from the young witch's arms, pulling back to look into her eyes.

"He wanted to tell you," she whispered brokenly. "Since we first started, he wanted to tell you, but I... I was scared, and hurt and I didn't... We were going to tell everyone when I came to Grimmauld place this summer," she choked.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he whispered softly, taking her hands in his. Cold metal and a glint of light caught his attention.

"He proposed right at the end of the Christmas holiday," she whispered, new silent tears making tracks down her cheeks. "I heard someone coming, and I panicked and disaparated. We never had another opportunity to talk before we left. And then that Saturday... I told him not to come. It was too dangerous, I was terrified he was going to get caught. After a while he... I... I was terrified he would stop coming." Hermione bit her lip to keep it from trembling. _I will never grow tired of you Hermione, I love you. I'm not leaving. I'll always come back for you. _"He didn't," she whispered almost inaudibly, meeting the pained blue eyes of her lover's best friend. "He said he would come back-always, and he didn't." Tears that Remus had held back far too long were transfiguring the young witch before him into a blurred shadowy outline as he pulled her back into his arms once more.

"I wasted so much time," she whispered heartbroken into his shoulder. "All that time he wanted to tell me he loved me and I wouldn't listen, couldn't believe it. That he could, that anyone could... I wish," but whatever it was the young witch wished for, it seemed it was too much to put it to words. "Why?" she whispered finally.

"I don't know Hermione. I don't know."


	16. Departure

"Oh, now this is quaint. You're to be her secret-keeper Lupin?" Severus sneered as he neared Hermione and Remus waiting for him at their agreed spot.

"And the godfather, so I expect you to at least be civil."

"Is that so?" Snape asked, black eyes glittering.

"Yes, it is." Hermione said with a strength moments before she would never have believed she had. Remus gave her hand a soft, but reassuring squeeze, which she returned.

"And if I'm not?" he tested.

"Then you're free to leave."

"And the baby?"

"I'll find someone else."

"Oh, you think so?" No one likely as qualified as he was. Merlin, she hoped this was all posturing and bluffing. Still, she would not allow him to walk all over her anymore, she was no longer one of his students to be intimidated.

"In case you haven't had the occasion to notice, I'm an industrious and stubborn witch when I wish to be." Remus laughed in spite of himself as Hermione smiled smugly, Snape shot Remus a venomous glare, before nodding.

"Very well," he said finally, taking hold of her other arm as she apparated them away.


	17. The House of Shattered Dreams

It was a modest house, tucked away in the countryside besides mountains, expansive woods and fields, and bordering a serene lake. Hermione hadn't been back in years, not since her grandfather had died. Tears filled the young witch's eyes as she released the arms of the two wizards accompanying her. It was every bit what she had remembered, but this was not the circumstances she had imagined returning to her childhood summer home.

She would graduate and they would be married. Sirius could finally quit that dreadful house so full of ghosts and dark memories, and live here, with her-growing old together on the porch watching their children, their grandchildren chase each other through the tall grasses, splash about the water... Hot tears she had fought so hard to hold back spilled down her cheeks, the echoing memory of Bellatrix's cackles and taunts haunting her as her dreams slipped like water through her fingers.

A shaky deep breath as she wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her robes, and the first of many trembling steps towards the house of shattered dreams.

.................................

"Hermione?" Remus having already finished unpacking his few possessions had begun to explore his new residence when he'd heard soft sobs. Stilling as he knocked, he gently pushed open the door to reveal the young witch in a puddle of tears before a large crate of books.

"I'm s...sorry Remus. D...don't tell Prof...Professor Snape, will you? I d...don't want him to know." Severus, who had also followed the sobs from his own room, stilled outside the door.

"Hermione, you're allowed to cry, to grieve. You just lost someone very dear to you, Severus knows that." Bushy curls hid her face as she shook her head.

"No," she whispered softly. "He hates him." Too right, Severus thought darkly, scowling before sweeping back to his room to finish his unpacking. "I was just-going to put some of these books away. My grandfather built this library. Spent his whole life collecting all these." The young witch sniffed, picking up a worn leather-bound book by her knees, letting out another dry sob. "Sirius, left his library to me, I thought I might unpack them. I s...suppose it was all he could leave me without arousing anyone's suspicions."

"Don't. Don't think of him like that, it isn't fair-to him or to you. He loved you, Hermione, it would crush him to know you were doubting it now. I never saw him happier than the Saturdays he was sneaking out to see you."

"But I doubted him all the time!" the young witch wailed miserably.

"You were hurt, you made him work for it, earn it..."

"But I waited so long. I loved him, but I was so scared."

"He knew that, he understood."

"He n...never even knew about the baby. We never talked about children. I always wanted some someday, but he never said... Would he have even wanted the baby?"

"You know Sirius was a moment to moment person. A baby would never have been part of his plans, but," Remus added, lifting Hermione's chin to meet his gaze. "Neither were you, and I know he never regretted a minute spent with you."


	18. Déjà vu & Kindred Spirits

"Why Severus, what a pleasant surprise, I did not expect to be seeing you so soon. All is well, I trust?"

"You trust to much headmaster," Snape growled, brushing the soot off his robes as he stepped out of emerald green flames. "But yes, Lupin and Miss Granger were both fine when I left them." Lupin had finally managed to quell the young woman's tears and the pair had been sharing some hot chocolate in the kitchen when he had taken his leave of them.

"And you?" Dumbledore inquired gently.

"Fine," Snape snapped reflexively.

"Lemon drop?"

"What? No."

"Please, have a seat Severus," Dumbledore urged, gesturing to a comfortable-looking armchair he'd just conjured before his desk. But Snape had already begun to pace about the room, and ignored him.

"You must have known. There must have been some hints, some indication... You know everything." Snape muttered furiously.

"My dear man, you are a flatterer," the old wizard chuckled heartily. "but I would never claim to know everything. I doubt very much I should want to."

"But you must have known," Snape insisted, stopping his pacing to stare into the dying embers of the headmaster's fire.

" I'm afraid Severus, I haven't the slightest idea as to what you're talking about. Known what?" Severus shot the headmaster a very unfriendly glare as if to say, 'you know very well, what I am talking about'

"You cannot tell me the first you ever knew of her indiscretions was when Poppy told you the nature of her condition in the hospital wing."

"Indiscretions?"

"With Black," Snape hissed impatiently.

"Miss Granger is an adult in accordance with her use of the time-turner her third year, capable of making her own decisions." Severus unable to reply, spluttered unintelligibly. "I could no more tell her what to do, than I was able to stop you becoming a Death-eater. It was a choice you had to make for yourself. Does she think it was a mistake?"

"Of course not, she thinks she loved him."

"And you don't."

"No, I don't doubt that she did..."

"But her choice disgusts you," Dumbledore observed mildly.

"And why shouldn't it? The man and his gaggle of friends made my school years a living hell."

"And she is very like another certain young witch from your past."

"She's not Lily."

"No, indeed, but I trust you know that. Even so, I think despite your best efforts to avoid it, you've grown quite fond of young miss Granger. She was a promising potions student, as I understand it. You thought perhaps you finally found a suitable understudy, perhaps a protege." Severus said nothing, but avoided his bright twinkling blue eyes. "She is a determined young woman, Severus, I would be very much surprised if she gave up all her studies in the absence of school. She could still be your protege. I know she would appreciate your advice and instruction."

"She will want nothing to do with me when the time comes."

"You do her a disservice, she is a very logical and level-headed woman." Severus snorted disbelievingly. "I thought perhaps, we might tell her the plan."

"And Lupin? You cannot expect to tell her and not Lupin."

"Hmmm," Dumbledore murmured thoughtfully. "No, we couldn't tell Remus. He would try to prevent it." Snape nodded, turning to the window. "I still do not think she will be so quick to believe your guilt as others might, Severus, and I am quite an excellent judge of character, if I may be so bold to say myself. Yes, even in you."


	19. Stargazing & Late night Chats

"We saved you a plate." Remus spoke as Severus joined him on the porch, still dusting the soot off his otherwise immaculate robes. Remus' eyes were otherwise fixed, not on the dark-haired wizard who had just joined him, but on the young witch whose form was almost lost to the deepening evening dark, who sat stalk still, and erect, staring intently up at the stairs from her seat in the grass. Snape merely nodded in acknowledgement, his gaze too, inescapably drawn to the young woman whom he knew all too well to believe she was merely gazing idly heavenward. She was studying one constellation and a certain star within it with intense concentration and interest. And in her communion with the bright, twinkling body, her own seemed transported a million miles away from the two men who stood completely unnoticed, or ignored, watching her some few feet away.

Severus' gaze in fact, didn't so much as waiver as Remus left the porch, and only when the werewolf returned carrying a large quilt did he blink, and finally pull his gaze from Hermione's vanishing form in the darkening twilight.

"It's getting cold," Remus shrugged. Snape nodded, his gaze returning once more to the young witch. If the cooling temperature was bothering her, she gave no signs of it, but perhaps the weather, like the two men watching her, escaped her notice. "It may not be my place to say," Remus began softly. Severus stifled a snort and bit the inside of his lip, resisting the urge to hurl a sarcastic remark or caustic diatribe about how Gryffindor's were always overstepping their place. "But you might be a little more sympathetic. Or at the least," he continued seeing Snape's incredulity. "A bit less intimidating." Snape said nothing. "I know you disapprove of her choice, and you are not without your reasons to, but she's suffered an incredible loss." How stupid did Lupin think he was? Did he honestly think he didn't understand that? Too inhuman to comprehend what it was to lose someone dear? No, Severus, couldn't possibly know anything about that. "It cannot make it right," he continued. "But if it means anything to you, I've always regretted that I was too afraid of losing them to do my duties as a Prefect. Lily shouldn't have been the only one sticking up for you." Snape's head shot up. "I'm sorry."

The werewolf didn't await a reply. He knew there mightn't be one. Taking his leave of the silent man beside him, he walked down to the young witch, wrapping the quilt about her shoulders and bestowing a fatherly affectionate kiss on the head.

"I'll be in soon," she promised, smiling weakly and squeezing Remus' hand where it rested on her shoulder.

"If you ever want to talk, about him, I'm here," he whispered gently.

"Thank you Remus."

"I'll be just down the hall, if you need me."

"Goodnight," she smiled up at him.

"Goodnight Hermione, do try to get some sleep, won't you?"

Remus bid Severus goodnight, though blessedly without any kiss or other demonstrations of care or affection. "Goodnight Lupin," Snape replied, surprising himself with the sound of his own voice. Where had that come from? Since when did he care what that werewolf was or what he did? By the time he had shaken off the feeling however, the werewolf in question had long since retreated into the cabin.

Snape swept noiselessly across the dewy grass to where Hermione sat eyes still fixed ever heavenward.

"Hello Professor," she whispered softly, not turning from his star. Damn, she was good. He was mildly impressed-he hadn't made a sound. 'Less intimidating' he thought, forcing himself to sit beside her on the wet lawn. This more than his silent approach seemed to unnerve the young woman beside him. "Professor?"

"I stocked the ingredients necessary for any potions you might require while I was out today. The first batch of your prenatal potion should finish brewing tomorrow." Hermione, finally pulling herself away from the star, managed a nod, but avoided Snape's penetrating gaze. "You will," no, too strong, he thought, haulting. "I would like you to help me brew the second-batch." The young witch seemed to forget avoiding his eyes, her head shooting up in surprise with tremendous force.

"Sir?" she asked cautiously, though the hope in her voice was impossible to conceal.

"None of the ingredients or potions would be detrimental to your health or the baby's. So I will not accept being pregnant as an excuse not to continue your alternative N.E.W.T. studies."

"Yes, Professor." She actually smiled then. Bloody, insufferable know-it-all bookworm, actually beamed for the first time since… well Merlin, he didn't much pay attention to such things, but it had to have been awhile, he thought, betraying only for a fraction of a second, a very thin smile at the corners of his mouth. A Gryffindor, through and through, he though suppressing a derisive snort. "I will speak to Lupin about how we will divide your other studies-I'm sure we can come to something." Surprise rapidly transfigured itself to relief, joy, and gratitude across her face, and suddenly Severus was attacked with yet another of her bone-crushing hugs. Merlin, this business would have to stop. If this was what being less intimidating got him, he would take terrified respect.

Tears shown in her eyes as she looked up from his chest, slowly extricating herself from him. "Thank you Professor. I won't disappoint you." Snape made no reply as she slowly stood, brushing herself off and collecting the quilt. "Goodnight Professor," she smiled softly, before heading into the house.

Severus stood up, brushing his robes in a futile effort to rid them of their dampness. Damnit. The star which the young witch had been studying so intently, he noticed out of the corner of his eye, seemed to twinkle, almost mockingly; the way Dumbledore's eyes did whenever he found something amusing. "Oh, shut up Black." Snape snapped frustratedly, stomping into the house.


	20. I Miss You

Her grandfather had left her room exactly as it had been the last time she had seen it, when they had come to visit for her 10th birthday. He had known then, perhaps her parents had known it too, of course she was too young, no one had told her. One day he was there, the next day… She seized gratefully onto the small stuffed dog on her bed. God how was it that it even looked like his form? She'd never much cared for dolls. Preferring, reflecting, reading as soon as she learned how, exploring new things and ideas-there was always something new to discover, but Shakespeare had remained a constant.

"Strange name for a dog, don't you think pumpkin?" her grandfather had chuckled.

"No. Besides he's not a real dog, so I can call him whatever I like. Right?" she had replied stubbornly, then trailing off slightly less certain.

"Of course you can. He's a special dog," he agreed. She nodded.

Her parents had never known what to make of the strange things that seemed to happen around her when someone upset her or made her angry. They didn't even like talking about it. Hermione was a normal little girl. Of course, growing up, that was all she had ever wanted to be. To be normal. But it seemed there was no place in the world for her. No place but her grandfathers where she felt as if she might belong. She had thought then that perhaps her dog was somehow magical, though she knew better than to share this theory with her mother or father. Her grandfather didn't laugh any more than when she had told him the sky was definitely a girl, because it could never decide what color to wear.

"I don't know," he would chuckle knowingly. "Maybe you're right."

Of course, he had known the sky didn't have a sex, and why it changed colors, and the odds of his granddaughter's stuffed toy dog possessing any magical powers was highly unlikely. But he also knew her well enough to know, Hermione Granger was too inquisitive and stubborn to settle for the answer maybe.

She hugged the dog for a moment, before looking down to her only slightly swollen stomach. It would be his, or hers, when the time came. She thought, smiling softly as she caressed her abdomen, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. It was never supposed to be like this, she thought sadly.

"I was never supposed to do this without you," the young witch whispered softly into the darkness. "I don't know how," she whimpered. "I'm scared Sirius." The words fell into silence as she waited for the gentle reassurances, the comforting embrace of his arms that would never come. Sinking under the blankets, she wrapped them tight about her and shut her eyes, willing herself to believe he was there, holding her. "I miss you so much."


	21. Very Early Breakfast

Though Hermione couldn't honestly say that she had ever been a morning person, but this morning sickness and frequent trips to the bathroom were becoming ridiculous.

"Can't you give me a bit of a break?" she whispered rubbing her abdomen. Hermione sighed, she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now. She didn't know what hour it was, but it was certainly too dark to be decent, and yet she could see a light in the kitchen downstairs, hear someone else stirring in the house...

For a moment, Hermione contemplated just returning to her bed. It wasn't as if they were intimate enough she had anything in particular to say to him. What business was it of hers, if he couldn't sleep either? But as the young witch turned to climb back up the steps, he seemed to notice her.

"Couldn't you sleep Miss Granger?" Hermione thought for a moment she had heard concern, before determining she must have been more sleep deprived than she'd thought. Yes, she must have imagined it.

"Not well, no." Not that's anything new, she thought darkly. Snape turned about from the stove where he had been working, and studied her frowning.

"I'll do some research to see what sleeping potions might be available to you without having any ill effects."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I'm fine, I could do the research, I..." Snape snorted softly.

"You think I have some greater demands on my time here? I was offering you my services, which you requested Miss Granger, the proper response would be to express some sort of gratitude, not babble." There was the Potions professor, she knew and was more comfortable with.

"Yes, thank you sir," Hermione replied embarrassedly.

"You are welcome, Miss Granger." Something he had said however, resonated in her. He must be so bored here, she thought watching him as he turned back to whatever it was he was busy with on the stove.

"Professor?"

"Yes?" For some reason, beyond the young witch's comprehension, the usual impatience that dripped from the dark-haired Slytherin's voice was entirely absent.

"Well, it's just that Remus, Professor Lupin..."

"If he is comfortable with you calling him Remus, it is none of my business," he interrupted softly.

"Remus said Dumbledore is telling the Order he's on official business, communicating with other werewolves, and they know I've gone into hiding with the baby, even if they don't understand why I didn't hide with them..." she continued, waiting for him to interrupt once more and tell her to bloody well get on with it, or some such comment. She was rather pleasantly surprised to find he did no such thing, but turned back to face her once more, leaning against the counter, arms folded, waiting patiently.

"Yes?"

"Well, I just wondered where Dumbledore would be telling the Order you would be all this time," she let out quickly, rather breathless waiting for the impending explosion. "I'm sorry sir, I suppose it's not really any of my business," she added quickly, avoiding his gaze. Snape quirked an eyebrow, since when did any member of the trio care about the bounds of other people's business? But he resisted the urge to say anything smart, and when she looked up again, managed somehow to hide his incredulity.

"I do not know what the headmaster will tell the Order or the school about my whereabouts. I doubt very much, whether anyone will ask," he replied honestly.

"Oh, but that can't be entirely true, sir." Snape quirked a disbelieving eyebrow once more, but said nothing, returning to the stove. Hermione coughed awkwardly, before deciding she was rather hungry, and opened the fridge.

"Miss Granger."

"Yes sir?" Hermione straightened up, immediately shutting the fridge nervously.

"You like eggs and toast." Hermione couldn't be entirely certain whether it was a question which required her response or not. It didn't really sound like one. It sounded too confident, certain of it. She nodded. "Good, have a seat, I made plenty." For a moment she was too surprised to react, and stood frozen as he doled out a plate for her and set it at the table. "No pumpkin juice, I'm afraid." Was that actually some sort of apology? From Professor Snape??

"That's alright, it was never to my liking anyway," she replied, sitting down and seizing gratefully into her late-night snack, or very early breakfast. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought for a moment she had seen a small, thin, smile cross his lips, before shaking it out her head. No, must be more tired than she had thought.


	22. Potions

Remus paused at the top of the stairs. No, it couldn't be. His ordinarily excellent werewolf ears, must be failing him. He couldn't possibly be hearing Hermione and Severus' laughter. Though in the weeks that had followed the potions professor seemed to genuinely take his words about the young witch to heart, and had made great strides, one of which being to restore to her some sense of normalcy with altered studies, he was still ever the same snarky Slytherein he had always been, or was he? Creeping down the stairs to investigate, he silently cursed as the third step from the bottom creaked and the pair fell silent, the young witch whipping about to face the newcomer. She was smiling, genuinely smiling.

"Good morning Remus," she beamed happily. "We left you some breakfast." She gestured to a plate which had been charmed to stay warm until it could be consumed laden with all his favorites. It was a shame he wasn't more of a morning person, like the pair of them, he might have loved to have sat in on one of Snape's cooking lessons with the young witch who was self-professed to be abysmal in the kitchen. Surely Snape hadn't actually made all this with him in mind. Still, he wasn't for a moment about to object to a free, hot meal.

"Thank you," Remus managed gratefully as Hermione returned diligently to her work, combing over the potions instructions. How she could even read Severus' tiny, spiky scrawl was beyond him, but she seemed to manage quite well.

Snape had come over in his inattentiveness and now set a steaming goblet on the table before him. He had temporarily forgotten tonight would be a full moon. Shuddering at the thought and the impending awful taste he knew was coming, he quickly drained the goblet of its contents. It didn't taste as terrible as he had remembered. It still burned down the throat, had a hint of something, but the acrid, bitterness of it was overwhelmed with peppermint. "Miss Granger and I have been making some minor adjustments. Since you neither choked or gagged, I gather it is preferable to the last batch I made you."

"But I thought you said sugar would render the Wolfsbane useless."

"It certainly would, peppermint leaves however, are neutral enough to alter the unpalatable taste without weakening the potion's effectiveness. Quite useful," he added, turning back to Hermione, who blushed and dropped her gaze at the rare sound of praise from her potions professor.

"How did it taste?" Hermione asked eagerly, watching him expectantly.

"Wonderful. Much better than..." Remus suddenly stopped dead mid-sentence, and Hermione's look of elation became one of worry. "Is something wrong, Remus?" she asked cautiously. Remus didn't know much about potions, but he knew enough of this one.

"What in Merlin's name were you thinking?" he asked rounding on Severus. "You let her work with Wolfsbane? In her condition?" Remus was rather surprised to see that Snape in fact, looked mildly amused at his indignation.

"I wouldn't dream of putting her in any harm, Lupin. Wolfsbane is added at the last, to culminate the potion, she has had no contact with it." Hermione nodded vigorously trying to assuage her friend, searching but unable to find her voice. Werewolves are always a bit more aggressive around the full moon, she reminded herself. He seemed to relax. "Sorry," he apologized. Snape shook his head, probably coming to the same conclusion as Hermione, before turning back to the potion which had begun bubbling lightly on the stove.

"Thanks for worrying about me," Hermione whispered smiling, surprising Remus with a soft kiss on the cheek, and hugging him.

"It's ready," Snape interrupted softly. Hermione nodded, returning to the stove. Taking a knife she gently pricked her finger, glancing back at Remus to assure him that she was alright, before squeezing a single drop of blood into the potion. It fizzled, and swirled about before changing the potion's color to a bright and creamy yellow. Snape stirred it twice, and removed the stirring rod. "And now we wait. We should know in an hour or two." Hermione smiled brightly before pulling him by his long immaculate black robes into an impulsive hug. Snape resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and instead sighed softly.

"Thank you professor," she smiled up at him.


	23. Speculations and Questions

"So have you given any thought to names for her yet?" Remus asked softly where they two sat on the couch in comfortable repose, waiting for Severus to return from seeing the headmaster.

"Her?" Hermione asked incredulously, laughing softly before gently pulling his hand to her swollen abdomen. "And just what makes you so certain that it's going to be a girl?" Remus shrugged smiling softly, caressing her stomach.

"I don't know, just a feeling. I think I could get used to a little Hermione running around here, incessantly asking questions..."

"Oh Merlin, am I really so obnoxious?"

"Not at all, it's rather endearing. I can only imagine it would be more so in innocent miniature," he replied smiling gently down at her, before resting his chin affectionately atop her head. Hermione smiled softly back, caressing her stomach beside his own gentle fingers.

"I don't know if Professor Snape would survive there being two of me," she whispered thoughtfully with a quiet laugh. Part of the young witch still held out hope for a boy. "You don't think it could be a little Sirius then?" she asked seriously, turning about in his arms to look up at him, trying to hide her slight disappointment. Could the werewolf really tell, or was he just guessing, hoping for a girl?

"Oh I've no doubt," Remus chuckled softly, hugging her reassuringly. "Boy or girl, Sirius will have his hand in them, but for the sake of both our sanity, and Severus' I suppose, I rather hope not, or we're sure to have our work cut out for us. A baby is enough to work to be getting on with as it is, but a pint-sized marauder?" Hermione smiled softly, but said nothing, turning back in his arms to stare out the picture window to the lake and forest beyond.

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"I should not have thought of something so simple as adding Peppermint leaves, but it is really quite ingenious." Dumbledore smiled admiringly, eyes twinkling. "And she is doing well then, in her studies?"

"She continues to excel in all of her applications, despite her, limitations. We have completed a gender determining potion just this morning before I left." The headmaster's eyes lit up excitedly. "I will know when I return," he continued cutting off any questions before they could be uttered. "I am sure Hermione and Lupin will tell me as soon as I arrive. I do not fool myself thinking they will wait for me."

"She will no doubt be excited," Dumbledore agreed nodding. "There has been so little good news these past years."

"I will send word when we are sure of it," Severus replied to the unspoken question the headmaster had no doubt been about to pose. So little good news, in so long, and how long would it really last anyway?

"Don't dwell on it Severus," Dumbledore interjected softly, pulling his sleeve down over his mangled left hand. "There is nothing to be done for it now. So, it is Hermione now, is it? No more 'Miss Granger'?" the headmaster inquired curiously attempting to steer the subject away from unpleasant thoughts.

"You make too much of slips of the tongue and thought."

"And you are nothing if not as dear Alastor advocates 'constantly vigilant.' You've grown fond of her. Come now Severus, would it be so terrible a thing to admit that you care for the girl?" Severus shook his head, avoiding the piercing stare of the headmaster's penetrating blue eyes.

Caring about Hermione was too dangerous, not being as close to the dark lord as he was, though he had yet to be summoned these past few months. He would do what she had asked of him, and Dumbledore, in the end, whatever protectiveness and affection he had for the witch, wouldn't matter. "Do you love her?"


	24. Of Pink Fingers & Patronuses

Hermione shivered contentedly, allowing the rivulets of hot water to trace her length, neck to shoulder, over swollen breasts and belly, trickling down her disappearing legs. Streams of soap and shampoo followed as she dunked her head under the waterfall too.

She would know soon. It was almost exciting, and perhaps later, for Remus and Severus' sake she would be able to pretend that it was. Now though, Severus filling in Dumbledore, Remus probably immersed in the library, and she alone with her thoughts, there was no pretending. No attempt to stifle her tears, to pretend it was entirely recovered and happy, that she truly believed everything would be alright. New streams of water pouring from her eyes spilled down her cheeks. "Sirius," she whispered softly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I do not think her such an annoying know-it-all chit."

"High praise," Dumbledore chuckled knowing his colleagues snarky disposition. Snape merely smirked.

"And there is a kind of an affection between us. She is a far cry from the child I thought I knew when she walked through these doors five years ago," Severus weighed thoughtfully, Dumbledore nodding. "She is a difficult young woman not to love, but no, I am not in love with her," he said finally. Albus nodded, it was a pleasant thought, and certainly Severus deserved such happiness, perhaps one day he'd find it, he wished he could have seen it. "She misses him."

"Of course," Dumbledore nodded, a pitying half-smile overtaking his face. Severus nodded.

"What concerns me is her refusal to speak about it." Not so unlike you, Severus, the headmaster thought sadly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sirius." The whisper was barely audible over the rush of water, and seemed she seemed to choke on it as it spilt over her lips. Knowing all the while her lover could not respond, would never again. Hermione's heart ached. No, no it felt as though it had been ripped away, leaving an immeasurable cavity there which nothing else could ever completely fill. "Sirius." Lowering her awkward body to her knees, Hermione let the water pour over her, and wept.

"I love you. I have always loved you. Al-Always will. Come back to me."

Suddenly the young witch was doubled over in excruciating pain, but not the dull constant ache that she had carried in her breast since waking in the hospital wing. No. Something is wrong, the young witch thought panicked, wincing as another wave of immense pain hit her. Hands which reflexively had sought to grab and somehow soothe the source of the pain were drawn back into view stained pink. No. "Remus!" Hermione screamed horrified. No. No. No. I cannot lose you too. "No, not my baby," she chanted as she had in the countless nightmares that had haunted her. "You can't have it, I won't let you. Not my baby." So hysterical was the young witch at the prospect of losing this last piece of him that she called out to her lost lover once more. "Sirius," she pleaded sobbing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Severus had been mid-conversation with the headmaster when it had burst wildly through the walls, howling. What in Merlin's name could be so difficult about determining whether the potion was pink or blue?

"Come back NOW!" The silver ghostly form of a wolf, having delivered its message to its intended recipient, faded and vanished. Severus did not have time to ponder its meaning before Dumbledore was shoving a portkey into him. Clutching it tightly, the world suddenly spun and rushed around him before depositing the potions master none to gently upon the dewy ground beside the lake. The house was still a mile away to protect against any undesirable intruders, and from the tone of Remus' booming voice in his message, time was of the essence. Severus ran.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Remus burst through the door full tilt, ripping back the shower curtain and yanking the taps into their off positions. The naked young witch let out a terrific sob, holding her blood-stained fingers out for his examination. No. No, not this. Not to her, Remus thought horrified. Hadn't she suffered enough? Forcing himself and his face to remain calm for her, Remus looked her over. The bleeding, whatever had caused it, seemed to have stopped, though the same could not be said of the witch's wracking sobs.

"Shh," Remus whispered soothingly, pulling her to his chest. Still trembling, she clung to werewolf as though he were her last claim to life and reality, and in that moment, he may well have been. "Hermione," he whispered softly, holding her comfortingly. "I've sent for Severus, he'll know what to do, but you need to be brave for me. Your baby needs you to be brave. This stress isn't good for it. Shh. It's alright, breathe. I'm right here, I'm not leaving." Hermione straightened slightly, drawing a deep, shuddering breath and nodded, but the werewolf could sense she wasn't truly there, her eyes were misty and had a far-away, glazed over look to them. Softly and with infinite slowness, Remus helped her out of the tub and into a more comfortable sitting position on the floor, where she immediately fell into his arms.

"Sirius," she whispered softly. Whether dreaming, or so panicked she misidentified her comforter Remus couldn't tell, but now was not the time to correct her. He simply held her, feeling his jumper becoming soggy where she pressed against him.


	25. Illusions & Delusions?

She could see him, as plainly as though he were just before her. But this was not any version of her lover she had some fond remembrances of. He was curled up fetal, shaking and trembling like mad, and whimpering fretfully. And when she called to him, what should have been familiar silver eyes, instead marred by unparalleled terror rose to meet her own. "Sirius," she whispered sorrowfully. He raised an uncertain hand out to touch her, looking devastated to find her beyond his reach. "He's alive," the young witch gasped in surprise, jumping back from the arms of the concerned werewolf who had held her. "He's alive." Remus watched concerned as the young witch struggled desperately in his embrace to reach beyond his arms to someone or thing only she could see.

"Hermione," he whispered uncertainly. "Hermione, please. He's gone," he whispered softly, trying to calm her as she continued to call out to her departed beloved. "Sirius is gone, Hermione. He's gone. I'm sorry," he added softly, attempting to pull her closer into his arms, she resisted the effort.

"No," she whispered softly, vehemently shaking her head with such ferocity the werewolf feared she might accidentally snap her neck. "He's alive. He's alive-he's suffering. Help him! Why won't you help him," she demanded nearly hysterical once more. All the world convinced she was gone now, the brilliant young witch that had been lost to them in her grief, and nothing more was to be done but to contact St. Mungos Remus wept with her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hermione awoke with a soft groan to Remus and Severus' hushed whispers.

"What did you give her?"

"A mild sedative,nothing more. She needed to calm herself. Being that anxious is dangerous to her condition, and clearly she was not responding to your," Snape paused, "treatises," he decided.

"Will she be alright? What was wrong with her?"

"Nothing, medically at least. So far as I could determine, she is in perfect health."

"People in perfect health don't generally find themselves bleeding for no particular reason. She was bleeding Severus, swore for all the world she was seeing Sirius, that he was alive, suffering..."

"That's what she was on about when I arrived?" Remus nodded furiously. Snape made no reply, but seemed to become lost in thoughtfulness.

"What?" Remus asked impatiently. "You must have some sort of theory..."

"For the love of Merlin, Lupin, let me think in peace. When I arrive at a coherent thought or conclusion I will share it with you," Severus snapped impatiently.

"Could he be alive? Is that possible," the werewolf probed cautiously. What if he were? what if he was trapped somewhere in-between, suffering?

"I cannot say, and I dare-say I would not wish to. I am not fond of the idea of being the cause for anyone's false hope, especially hers. That is the last thing she needs. But if she believes she saw him-alive-after finding the blood..." Lupin bit his tongue, forcing himself to wait for the dark-haired wizard to continue.

"Then..." the young witch prodded, surprised the two men who both jumped, and astonishing her own self at the croaking of her voice. Evidently she had nearly yelled herself hoarse. Severus shook his head slightly, refusing to meet her eyes.

"I deserve to know. Whatever it is you are thinking, concerns my body, my baby, professor.'

"This isn't a question of your right to know, Miss Granger," Snape replied softly, reverting to older and more familiar, distant terms than he had used of late, still avoiding her gaze. "It is an extremely unpleasant, and altogether unlikely possibility. It does not bare being repeated."

"Please."


	26. Alchemy & Answers

Severus sighed heavily, resolve sinking into the depths of her shining brown eyes. "It's a very old sort of magic and magic law. To create, something of equal value must be sacrificed." Hermione clutched her stomach reflexively.

"Alchemy," she whispered stunned. Severus nodded cautiously.

"Perhaps," he conceded softly.

"But then, Sirius..." Remus gasped. "He's alive?"

"We cannot know that. There is very little understood about the veil, and even less so of alchemy, if that is in fact what we are dealing with."

"Why would anyone keep a dangerous, misunderstood object like that where someone could fall into it?" Hermione raged.

"If you'll recall, you were in a restricted part of the ministry. The Department of Mysteries..."

"Should have been better guarded and you know it," the young witch interrupted.

"So you, Potter and Weasley could be sitting trial for expulsion and possibly jail?"

"Yes, if it would mean he was still alive!"

"Hermione, I understand..."

"No! No professor, you don't understand. Not even close."

"Hermione," Remus soothed softly, pulling her back into his comforting arms as she let out a tremendous sob. "He wouldn't have wanted you expelled."

"What would he want Remus? I want him back, but how... How can I possibly... How could anybody make that kind of a choice? I don't want to loose either of them." She turned back to Severus who managed to pull himself from his trance.

"It may not be your choice to make."

"What do you mean, not my choice? How could it not be..."

"Sirius, did not know you were pregnant?" Snape asked carefully, surprising both by using her lover's name without a hint of maliciousness. Now was not the time.

"No," Hermione whispered softly, shaking her head mournfully.

Severus shook his head. The stupid mutt, and yet, he was merely fighting for his life, the right to exist, to return to her, fighting no less than the children in her womb. He did not know the sacrifice he asked in exchange.

"Hermione," he hesitated. "Did you have the opportunity to check your potion, before all of this?" Hermione shook her head tearfully. She couldn't see how it could matter now. how could she chose between unborn child and lost lover. She raged against herself for thinking if she could only have her Sirius back... it might always be possible they could have more children. I'm already a horrible mother. And what if he came back and hated me for it? What if he thinks I'm a monster for sacrificing our baby? I'm so sorry, she thought miserably, rubbing her stomach, terrified of the moment when the pains and blood would return and her baby would leave her.

"It was purple, Hermione."

"What?" Wasn't it supposed to be pink or blue? What on Earth was the point of telling her she has botched the potion now? And hadn't he been supervising her potion-making? Why hadn't he said anything then? "So I'll have to re-brew it," she replied impatiently.

"No," Snape shook his head. "We could do that if you wished for extra practice, but it was a flawless sample."

"I don't understand," Hermione snapped frustrated. Clearly Remus didn't either, the werewolf stared expectantly and confused at the dark-haired wizard, who watched the young witch intently with sparkling onyx eyes, waiting. Suddenly she gasped.

"It's twins," Hermione whispered stunned.


	27. A Hardmade Vow

"There must be another way," Snape insisted pacing. Dumbledore shook his head, affording the younger man a pitying look.

"Severus," Snape continued to pace, ignoring the headmaster. "Severus." Finally the dark haired wizard stopped, and met those intimidating blue eyes that saw everything. "Severus, this was inevitable, we both knew that. At least now something can be gained from it."

"You should never have made me make that vow. We haven't explored everything, there could still be a chance..." The old wizard shook his head.

"We cannot put this off any longer Severus. Not if there is a chance that he is suffering as Hermione saw him. This was inevitable, we both knew that. At least now something good might come of it."

"But you don't know that. None of us can. It might all be for nothing."

"I am dying Severus. You slowed the curse, but you can't halt it forever," Dumbledore replied gesturing to his withered and burned hand.

"But you could very well live another 50 years, more, we don't know."

"Or I could die tomorrow, this evening in my sleep, Severus. And then my death would serve no purpose, and you would have broken your vow." Snape resumed his pacing. "I have told and shown Harry everything he needs to know. I am ready Severus." Snape shook his head. "You have to let me go Severus."

"She will hate me." Now it was Dumbledore's turn to shake his head.

"I have instructed Fawkes to deliver a letter to speak for you on my behalf. She is a tender-hearted young woman, but even you have praised her logic and reasoning. She may not like it, any more than you, but she will accept it Severus. I only wish that I could have seen you with someone, my dear boy. You must know that it is not necessary to be alone, that there are people that care about you and your well-being, that love you."

"It isn't safe for me to be with anyone. I only hurt the people I love," he whispered, a silent tear falling from his onyx eyes and sliding down his cheek. Oh Severus, the gray-haired wizard thought sadly, if only you could see how very alike you and Remus are.

"People I love wind up dead," he gestured needlessly to the headmaster.

"It is not the end Severus. And those we love are always with us. But they wouldn't want you to be burdened by their memories. If there were any other way, I hope you know that I would have taken it." Severus, gradually worked his way back to Dumbledore's eyes, and slowly, fighting back more tears, he nodded.


	28. An Impossible Young Witch

Sirius could be alive. The very thought was wonderful, terrifying, and devastating at the same time. How could this be? The lover she'd mourned for months might be alive, alone, suffering somewhere? Could it be possible, or was this simply another glimmer of false hope? She was just beginning to come to terms with the fact he was lost to her, or at least as much as one could with the knowledge some piece of them lived on and was growing within. Twins, Hermione thought guiding a pensive, gentle hand to her swollen stomach.

For a moment she wished Mrs. Weasley were there to talk to, but then she would have asked too many questions about the father, guilting her for the children she carried not being Ronald's. She wished she could talk to her own mother. She had had so much trouble conceiving she expressed once her fears the trait would be passed down to her. Twins Mom, Hermione thought trying to smile.

She couldn't cry, not even as she looked out the window to the stars beyond, his star, she had no tears left after the morning's earlier episode and revelations, and already she feared what the stress would do to the babies. She needed sleep, though she couldn't fathom finding enough peace to do so. Sirius could be out there, suffering, and there was nothing, absolutely nothing she could do about it. The anguish of her helplessness tore at her heart.

The house was quiet. Snape was either still meeting with Dumbledore or had determined to remain at Hogwarts for the night, and Remus had retired to his room shortly after her. The door creaked softly as she pushed it open to reveal Remus reclined and reading by the candle on his nightstand.

"Hermione," he asked concerned, quickly shutting his book and sitting up.

"I'm fine Remus," she assured him to assuage his obvious concern. "I couldn't sleep," she confessed softly. "Do you mind? I don't want to bother you."

"You are never a bother," Remus smiled reassuringly. "No, not even this morning," he added sensing her doubt.

"I was wondering, that is I... Well you said once if I ever wanted to talk about him, but I don't want to press a sore subject..."

"Hermione," Remus began watching the young witch rocking nervously back and forth on her feet, ringing her hands together. "Come here."

Hermione reluctantly crawled onto the right side of the bed, accepting his help propping up the pillows so she could sit comfortably.

"All that time Harry had the vision, searching for a way to see if it was real I kept telling Harry it couldn't be true. It's just, when people really love each other and something happens the other one is supposed to sense it, right? They're supposed to feel something aren't they? Isn't that how it's supposed to work? I didn't feel anything, nothing like Voldemort was torturing him. So it couldn't possibly be true," Hermione babbled, unable to meet Remus' eyes. "I'd just found out," she whispered shakily, finally looking up into sympathetic amber eyes. "About the baby. Babies," she corrected softly. "I was still figuring out how to tell him. What to say, whether it would be better to tell him in person, or by owl straight away, so he couldn't possibly be being tortured by Vol-Voldemort," she continued feeling herself beginning to tear up once more. "He had too much to live for. Maybe if I had sent the owl, if I had said something to him, he wouldn't have come, he would have been more careful..."

"Hermione, I've said it before, it aggravated him to no end sitting at home, comfortably in that house while everyone else was out fighting and risking their necks, but he could never have stood for staying at home and let other people fight if there was the slightest chance you or Harry were in any danger." The young witch didn't argue, but hardly seemed comforted by this.

"I never even saw him," she continued heartbroken. "I... I... Harry told me what happened, but I didn't see... Do you think it's possible? Could he still be alive, Remus?"

"I don't know Hermione. I just don't know anymore," Remus replied honestly, squeezing her hand comfortingly. "But if Snape is talking to Dumbledore about it, then you have two brilliant minds and stubborn men looking into it. Snape may not have liked him, but he cares a great deal about you Hermione. You may never hear him say it, but I've seen it. He won't stop until he has an answer for you." Hermione nodded softly, feeling slightly more comforted.

"How does an incredible guy like you manage to stay single," she asked softly, staring at his hand where it clasped hers. Remus chuckled disbelievingly, shaking his head, and slowly dropping her hand.

"Oh I don't know, it might have something to do with the fact I grow fur, fangs, and claws once a month." Hermione shook her head.

"You are more than your affliction, Remus. Much more. A good witch, the right witch would easily see past that."

"My best mate stole the last good witch," Remus grinned, chuckling softly. Hermione shook her head. "No? You have a certain witch in mind, why the sudden interest in my love life?"

"I'm afraid I'm keeping you away from something wonderful, somebody wonderful that could make you happy."

"You make me happy," he replied confused.

"That's not what I mean."

"You do have a witch in mind," Remus replied surprised.

"I know of a witch that has you on her mind," she nodded softly.

"Hermione if you are referring to Nym-"

"Of course you already knew. Did she tell you then?"

"Hermione I already told her-I am too old for her, too poor, too dangerous to be with any witch, even one as capable as her."

"You didn't."

"Of course I did, it would be irresponsible to have told her anything different."

"And to think he always called you 'the smart marauder' in his stories."

"I'm not being thick Hermione."

"Of course you are. Do you care about her?"

"That's irrelevant."

"That's all that matters. How is it you can be full of such wonderful advice and total shite at the same time?"

"Hermione!"

"Remus," Hermione replied every bit as indignantly. "Does she know where you are? What you're doing all this time you are away from the Order?"

"Of course not, the less people that know, the safer you are."

"She'd die before she did or said anything that would turn in another Order member or friend. She'd die before betraying you."

"Exactly, nobody needs to die for me. Certainly not her."

"You love her too."

"Bugger if you aren't impossible," Remus exclaimed, moving his book over to the nightstand.

"I'm partial to stubborn, myself," she shrugged, "but whatever you prefer."

"Impossible," a smooth voice added from the doorway, "And Lupin much as I hate to agree and further inflate the ego of this impetuous young witch, if you don't get it together and snog that pink-headed klutz already I may just have to lock you two in the nearest broom-closet. While she's mourning and pining over you, she's liable to destroy half the house or injure a wizard in her absent-mindedness. A bloody blind man could see she's over the moon about you, and it's damn near sickening," Snape spat, though most of the disgust seemed to be more theatrics than genuine.

"We know little more than we did when we met this morning," Snape said sensing the witch's question before she could voice it, "but we will be meeting again tomorrow to see if we can determine anything further. Sorry to have crashed your slumber party."

"Thank you," Hermione replied softly.

"Of course," Snape replied, bowing slightly before leaving the pair of them to their previous conversation. Snape shook his head as he retreated down the hall to his room, he couldn't have actually missed her getting up to hug him in thanks as she normally did. No, he just needed a good night's sleep.


	29. Death & Life

It was time.

"Severus, please." The last words the greatest wizard who ever lived would speak, before Severus steeled himself and with a shout a burst of green light flashed between them, shoving the old man back, had the spell not killed him instantly the fall certainly would have. Severus could have sworn the old man's face twisted into a soft final look of pity for him before his body tumbled over the ramparts and down to the courtyard below, and tried to ignore it. It was done. Remus' patronus appeared beside him moments later only just by Merlin's grace missing Bellatrix as she ran cackling down the steps tearing apart anything within her wand's reach as she went. Hermione was having contractions, and might be going into early labor, they needed him to return to the house immediately. Severus shook his head, he would go back and fulfill his promise to the young witch and help her bring her children into the world, but he didn't fool himself in thinking this would be a long visit. The news of Dumbledore's death could only be concealed for so long, Potter would find a way out of the charm that held him leg-locked eventually, and she would not want anything to do with him soon.

* * *

Hermione had slept peacefully for the first time in months, wrapped in Remus' protective arms where she had fallen asleep the night before talking to him about Sirius. For the first time in a long time there were no nightmares, perhaps Remus was right, maybe with Snape and Dumbledore's minds set to the task they could bring her lover back to her.

She awoke with a start the next morning to a sharp pain in her abdomen. It was too soon, Hermione thought, trying in vain to force back the contractions, wincing in pain. They were a month early, it wasn't unheard of or a death-sentence by any means, but still she fought back worry. Would her babies be alright? Both of them? And what about Sirius? And where was Severus hadn't he been living with her these 7 months to help her in this very circumstance and time of need?

"He's coming," Remus assured her softly, taking the young witch's hand and halting her eyes that searched desperately about the room for the other wizard. "He'll be here." And just as Remus was speaking he was. Severus swept into the room, robes billowing. He smelled like ash, and Remus noticed there was a great deal of soot and what appears to be bits of gravel covering his boots and the bottom of his robes, but as Hermione gave a great squeeze of his hand and winced painfully, now was hardly the time to make inquiries as to what he had been doing. At any rate Severus was already busy performing a multitude of spells upon the young witch into her health and that of her two unborn babes.

"Right Lupin, I'm going to need some fresh towel and a bowl." There would be no stopping the delivery now it seemed, Remus raced out of the room to fulfill Snape's request. Shooting one last fleeting glance at the young and now somewhat sweaty witch where she lie on his bed, Remus prayed the babies would be ready, he couldn't imagine the grief and heartache yet another loss might cause her.

Remus returned as quickly as he could following Severus' every order as he barked them out without question, until the only remaining order was to hold Hermione's hand or something and 'get the bloody hell out of the way.' It wasn't right, even as Remus took her hand in his it felt wrong. Sirius should be here. Her lover, his best friend. He should have been there, been the one holding his witch's hand as she brought their children into the world. The injustice and heartache of the scene in front of him was almost too much, and Remus found himself avoiding the young witch's eyes until she let out a particularly loud pained cry, as Severus instructed her to push.

A full head of dark black hair, and minutes later a body, then a healthy cry. A boy. A beautiful, healthy baby boy. Hermione scarcely had time to see the tiny boy and offer a soft smile as Remus held the now cleaned up babe before she was forced to resume pushing once more. The baby girl that followed her brother was much smaller, paler, with soft light brown curls. She looked much frailer and unlike her sibling wasn't crying, in an instant Severus had whisked the infant girl away to tend to her.

In an attempt to keep the now exhausted young witch calm, Remus gently laid Hermione's baby boy in her arms. Hermione laughed, tears filling her eyes as the tiny boy moved in closer to his mother's warm chest.

"He looks just like him," she whispered looking up to Remus. Remus couldn't deny it. The boy was seemed to be a miniature version of Sirius. "Felix," She whispered smiling softly, tenderly brushing the dark wisps of hair from his forehead. "My handsome little boy."


	30. A Parting of Ways

After cleaning up and making sure both infants would be healthy and safe left to their mother's care, Severus excused himself from the altogether too intimate scene to his room, beginning to pack his few belongings for his inevitable departure.

She'd made scarcely a peep when she first came into the world, but Hermione's little girl proved to have her parents fighting spirit. The tiny girl had a powerful set of lungs once she found them, and some hours later woke her mother with her persistent wails. Remus shrugged helplessly, he had hoped but failed to comfort the little girl and keep her from waking her exhausted young mother, handing the tiny girl to Hermione. Rocking her softly in her arms, Hermione carried her newborn to the window where another beautiful cloudless and starry sky lay beyond. The babe ceased her squirming, turning still sniffling to stare at the night sky.

"It's alright, you can cry," Hermione whispered feeling her eyes tearing up once more as she looked down at the tiny new life she held in her arms. This isn't the life I hoped to promise you, Hermione thought sadly. "You like the stars," she asked smiling as her daughter continued to stare at them transfixed. "You're named after one of them baby, that one right there," she whispered. "My little Cassiopeia," she cooed. "And that.. that one's Daddy's star..." She choked out quietly. Oh Sirius, Hermione thought tearfully, you were supposed to be here with me.

* * *

"'Mione," a hoarse voice croaked desperately.

"What did he say," a young medi-witch's voice seemed to ask from somewhere far away.

"Couldn't say," the medi-wizard replied. "but speaking is an encouraging sign he seems to be coming around."

"Mione" Sirius repeated frantically. His throat felt raw, his head throbbed, every breath seemed to take everything in him to draw, but he scarcely had time to notice. Where was she? She and Harry, and their friends, Merlin bless them and heaven help them, they had got it in their heads that he was in trouble and gone to the department of Mysteries. If anything happened to them it would be all his fault, he had to find them. Where was the rest of the Order. Better yet where in the bloody hell was he? The blindingly bright white walls that surrounded him didn't look like any part of the Ministry he could ever remember seeing. Wait doctors and medi-witches. "Where am I," he asked hoarsely.

"You're at Saint Mungos hospital Mr. Black," the young medi-witch replied gently. "Can I get you anything? Some water, perhaps?" Water sounded terrific, but Sirius found himself grabbing her wrist to stop her, terrified to let this young witch out of his sight until he got some sort of explanation.

"What happened?" The young witch frowned.

"I wish that I could tell you Mr. Black, but no one is altogether certain what happened to you. You were involved in the fight with the Dark Lord and some Death Eaters in the Ministry some months back now. You were seen and reported by your godson and several witnesses hit by the Avada Kedavra spell by Bellatrix Lestrange and fell through the veil. You were officially listed as deceased. No one has any idea how it is you came back."

"Months," Sirius croaked. He had been gone months? "How many?" The young medi-witch screwed up her face in concentration.

"Well, after the Ministry confirmed the Dark Lord was back, Headmaster Dumbledore had a hearing to clear your name, must have been going on 8 months ago now," the witch frowned.

"8 months," Sirius croaked in disbelief. Bloody fucking hell, 8 months?

"Probably best not to think on it too much, put it this way, you have a new lease on life now. You're a free man now Mr. Black, won't that be nice? And now you're awake I expect you will be discharged soon enough. Now how about I go and see about getting you some water, and perhaps a bite to eat I imagine you must be starved.."

"My godson, Harry Potter," Sirius interrupted frantically. "And his friends," My 'Mione, he thought panicked. "What happened to them?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Black I can't say as I know the names of everyone who was involved so I can't be very specific. There were a few who came here and back to Hogwart's infirmary for treatment, but there were no other deaths reported but yours, I believe everyone else is now in good health."

"Harry..."

"Well everyone knows of your Godson sir, he is as I understand it in good health and completing his 6th year at Hogwarts this year," the medi-witch smiled.

"And his friends, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger..."

"Ah yes, Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger were both in Hogwarts infirmary for some time as I understand it. Mr. Weasley was attacked by a brain I believe, and Ms. Granger took a rather nasty curse from one of the Death Eaters."

"But they are alright," Sirius pressed trying to keep his voice even.

"Oh yes, well I suspect so. Mr. Weasley is at least, Ms. Granger didn't return to Hogwarts this year, caused quite a stir in the Prophet and with the gossips, but that's becoming more and more common of any muggle-borns these days. Going into hiding what with You-know-who back again. Seems a shame though, she was quite brilliant as I understand it."

Sirius felt his heart drop the medi-witch had to be mistaken. Hermione Granger not return to Hogwarts? His 'Mione? It couldn't be. What place on Earth could be safer than Hogwarts?

* * *

It had been hours, there was no letter, and soon the owl carrying the Prophet would be arriving. Either Dumbledore had never written any letter of explanation for him to clear his name to the Order, or something had happened to it. He couldn't afford to linger any longer in either case.

He certainly couldn't afford to stop into the young witch's room to fix her blankets and kiss her sleeping brow, but how could he not? She looked exhausted-her curls wilder than ever he'd seen splayed out across her pillow, but happy-glowing in that beautiful way only new mothers can possess, and Severus found himself almost lamenting that he would probably never see such a pure and innocent expression again, certainly never on a witch who glowed because of any child of his.

"He will never touch a hair on their heads," he promised softly, allowing himself to tenderly sweep a strand of brown hair back from her cheek to rest behind the ear he whispered into. "Never, I promise." The young witch smiled, stirring, but not waking from her sleep. "You are going to be a wonderful mother Hermione." She sighed now with a growing smile gracing her lips, and Severus forced himself to leave before the tears he held back broke the dam and washed away his resolve. Severus swept from the house and into the lightening horizon. Alone again, or maybe still, walking away from the house forcing himself not to look back, it seemed as though perhaps he always had been.


	31. Patronuses & Kisses

"It can't be," Hermione insisted shaking her head.

"Hermione I know the Prophet hasn't been the most reliable news source, but he's gone, and his note is practically an admission of guilt. What else would he be apologizing for? Why else would he have to leave here," Remus countered.

"There must be an explanation. We lived with him for six months. He delivered my babies, they're both healthy because of him. And Dumbledore trusted him..."

"Dumbledore was wrong! And now he's dead," Remus added voice cracking at his last pronouncement. "We put our faith in the wrong man Hermione.

Dumbledore was dead, and Snape seemed to have pledged his loyalty to the Dark Lord, suddenly the full weight of it all hit Hermione full on. Her lover may well have died all over again. If there were any possibility he was still alive somewhere, suffering, she'd just lost the only two men who might have helped her bring him back. But there was no time for grief, Felix has begun to cry and wakened from her slumber his sister soon followed suit. In the midst of the din and chaos appeared the patronus of Arthur Weasley.

_"Remus," _the patronus echoed. _"I don't know what mission he's sent you on, or where you are, but Dumbledore-he's been murdered by Snape. Harry says he saw it happen. And the castle was attacked last night by Death Eaters and supporters. My son-my Bill was attacked by Greyback. If there's any chance, any way that you can, please come to Hogwarts as soon as you can, we-Molly and I could use you, and Tonks is very worried about you."_

"Go," Hermione whispered softly, bouncing the tiny babies in her arms.

"You'll be alright here by yourself?"

"Until you get back," Hermione nodded. "Go. Take care of our friends."

* * *

It took seeing her in the hospital wing banged up and bruised to realize he could lose her at any moment, and her tenderness talking to and caring for Bill to realize what a fool he'd been and that he was as another young witch had insisted in love with her. He still tried to impress upon her the risks and sacrifice of being with a man like him, and of his condition, that it wouldn't be the same as it would be for Fleur and Bill, but he argued with less conviction than before, and when she told him once more that none of that mattered to her, that she "didn't care," not to mention the others in the hospital wing-Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill, Fleur, even Minerva ganging up on him in favor of the idea, well he'd had no choice really to relent. Not that he wanted any other choice. Standing in front of him her bright eyes shinning with happy tears, she was the only choice.

Their first kiss, in the solitude of an alcove shortly after exiting the Hospital wing just far enough out of the way of prying eyes and ears, was brief, too brief. Remus found himself kicking himself for not having seen it coming, they had no sooner rounded the corner before Tonks yanked him aside and took advantage of him being off balance to snog him. He might as well have been hit with Petrificus Totalis. He'd locked up and frozen on the spot. A rotten start, he thought glumly, she was certain to write him off as a terrible kisser now.

But looking up at her, he couldn't have been more surprised. Tonks looked neither smug about having stolen the kiss, or disappointed in him, but was blushing furiously. If anything she looked uncharacteristically uncertain and appeared to be rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"Sorry," she whispered softly, avoiding his eyes.

"Don't be," Remus managed to croak, finding his throat suddenly parched. Tonks' eyes shot up glimmering with hope.

"Can I do that again," she asked nervously.

"Please," Remus managed to reply.

Their second kiss had none of the reservations or disappointment of the first. Tonks had leaned halfway back into him, before Remus was pulling her tighter to him, and who could say who started the kiss, but neither was quick to end it. Hungry, equal parts need, love, and desire, and not sated until both finally ran out of breath and were forced to pull back, though only slightly, Tonks still feeling Remus' warm breath on her forehead.

"Where have you been," she asked breathlessly. Remus chuckled, allowing a tentative hand to brush a strand of hair once more a brilliant pink from the witch's brow. "No really," she pressed. "What did Dumbledore have you doing for the Order? I heard you might have been trying to recruit werewolves to join us," she whispered shakily. "I was worried about you, and then I heard someone was attacked by Greyback, I thought..." Tonks couldn't be sure it was a good idea to share this information this early in their budding relationship, partly because neither had yet confessed exactly how much they felt for the other and this all but confirmed she was head over heels. Another part of her cautioned that this was exactly why he had protested the idea of them in the first place, because the strain his condition would put on her, but her tongue seemed for the moment at least as damnably clumsy as any other part of her and the words were out before she could stop herself. If either thought occurred to Remus however, he said nothing about it.

"I had nothing to offer them, but a world that already hates them and wants them gone. And those that weren't already with Voldemort were too afraid to stand up against him," Remus replied shaking his head sadly. "Not to mention few have the luxury of someone to provide Wolfsbane for them for their transformations." Tonks gasped.

"Snape. I can make it for you, but this month's..." she whispered softly, trying not to stare at the scars that stretched across his handsome face, memories of a time before Wolfsbane had existed. Such pain and suffering on those moons.

"It's already been taken care of Dora, I've built up a modest stock of it." Tonks seemed to relax slightly before perking up curiously.

"Dora," she asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even think about it," Remus confessed. " It's just I know you don't like to be called Nymphadora, but it seems odd to call you Tonks..." he stumbled awkwardly. Tonks shook her head.

"No don't apologize, I like it," she smiled softly, pulling him back into another slower and tender kiss. "So how about it Remus, what's a witch got to do to hear where you've been and what you've been up to these past few months," she asked when they had finally pulled apart and resumed their walk, now holding hands, back to the edge of the grounds to aparate. "You're going to have to learn to trust me if this is going to work you know," she encouraged softly. And I'd really like for it to work, she thought meeting his eyes.

"There's been another witch in my life the past few months," Remus began softly.


	32. Meeting the Twins

Tonks nodded, waiting uncharacteristically patiently. She didn't know what to think. She'd never have guessed that perhaps the reason Remus was reluctant to see her might be because he was quietly seeing another witch. Although she couldn't imagine why he wouldn't have told her as much before when she had confronted him with her feelings, and desires for a more intimate relationship than passing friends.

"Is it over," Tonks asked cautiously. She wanted this man more than any other in the world, but it would break her heart, she couldn't be the other women, not for anyone. Remus looked confused, stopping their walk to turn and face her.

"It's Hermione, Dora." Well, Tonks thought trying her best not to fall over from the shock of it, it can't have been that she was too young. For a moment she thought about confronting him about his excuses about her young age, but thought better of it.

"She didn't come back to Hogwarts this year," Tonks managed finally. "Harry said she was pregnant, but she wouldn't say who the father was." Remus nodded. "And her parents, Ron said she sent them somewhere out of country in case Voldemort should decide to make them a target."

"She asked me to be the Godfather and her secret-keeper."

"So you're not the father then," Tonks asked relieved.

"Merlin Dora, you thought... No. I'm not the father, I've never been anything to Hermione but a mentor and friend. I don't even know that I can have children." Shame, Tonks thought sadly, she had many times imagined and dreamed about having a little boy that looked like him someday.

"It's been six-months since the last time I saw you," she commented thoughtfully. "So when is she due? Do you need to go back to wherever it is she is then?" Tonks was reluctant to let him go after only just having finally won him over to the idea of giving them a shot, but she trusted Remus, and if the young witch needed him...

"She was due next month, but she delivered yesterday." Tonks tried, but failed to suppress an excited squeal.

"Boy or girl? What's the baby look like? Was it big or difficult? Bloody hell we should have a shower..." Remus chuckled. " Sorry, it's just I always sorta wanted a sibling, and I'm finally at the age where some of my friends are starting to have babies, I get a bit excited."

"Would you like to see them?"

"Me," Tonks asked astonished.

"Do you see anyone else around," Remus smiled.

"Really?"

"I trust you, so does Hermione. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to see a friendly face and have another women to catch up with."

"What about Harry and Ron? Do they know, have they seen her and the baby yet?" Remus shook his head.

"I want Hermione to be able to tell them when she's ready.

"Are you sure if it's okay if I..."

"Positive. Unless you had other plans." Tonks shook her head. Remus Lupin, you are my plans, she thought happily, taking his arm so he could aparate the pair of them away.

* * *

A loud thundering crash from the kitchen echoed up the stairs stirring Hermione from her reverie for the two new lives resting on her chest. Her wand lay just out of reach on the bedside table. She could put the babies down to reach for it, but if one or both started crying whoever was downstairs would know there were people in the house. Who could it be? Snape? But no, even if it was, no matter what Remus said, Hermione refused to believe they had heard the full story. Snape couldn't have simply murdered Dumbledore in cold blood, it simply wasn't possible.

"Hermione," A voice called tentatively from down the hall. Remus. It was only Remus. Hermione relaxed settling back more comfortably into the pillows stacked against the headboard.

"Come on in Remus, I'm awake.

"Sorry if we startled you," Remus whispered softly, uncertain if the babies were awake or asleep. "I hope you don't mind I brought a guest back."

"Tonks," Hermione smiled softly as she spotted a splash of bright pink behind him. "Of course it's alright, come in.

"Sorry," the older witch apologized. "That was me that probably about scared you out of your wits, knocked something over on the way in. Seems the quieter I try to be the clumsier I am. I wasn't sure if you and the... Remus Lupin!" She suddenly blurted switching subjects. "You might have told me she had twins." Remus shrugged sheepishly, Tonks let out a huff before turning back to Hermione. "They're beautiful," she whispered coming nearer to the bedside to look at them. "A boy and a girl, lucky witch. What are their names?"

"Felix and Cassiopeia, Cassie for short," Hermione replied smiling. Sure Remus and Severus had both seen to the babies, but it was nice to have someone truly fawning over them. They were beautiful, Hermione thought happily.

"Cassiopeia," Tonks repeated thoughtfully. "And here I thought it was only the Black family that took a shine to naming their kids after stars and such." Remus caught Hermione's eye, but Tonks was far too wrapped up in admiring Felix who Hermione had passed to her to hold to notice it. "He's a very handsome boy. Lots of hair for a newborn, and I've always thought silver eyes were beautiful. Does he look much like his father," she asked curiously.

"I-" Hermione hesitated. "I haven't really told very many people who the father is."

"I'm sorry," Tonks recovered immediately. "I wasn't meaning to pry." Hermione shook her head.

"It's alright. Felix is the spitting image of his father," Hermione added softly with a tender half-smile.

"Well he's crazy to leave a witch like you," Tonks replied handing Felix back to his mother and taking Cassie from Remus' arms.

"He died," Hermione corrected quieter still.

"Bloody-" Tonks began before catching herself glancing quickly down the to the unphased babe in her arms. "Merlin I need to just stop talking, I've already stuck both of my feet in my mouth now haven't I?"

"It's alright," Hermione repeated. "You didn't know." Tonks didn't look much consoled in the matter. "So what about you two," Hermione asked, Tonks gratefully seizing the changing the subject.

* * *

"She can't stay here Remus," Tonks whispered later that night when they had bid Hermione good night. "I'm sure you both put up some incredible wards, but the fact of the matter is Snape knows about all of them. And even if you were to add new ones, there's no guarantee they wouldn't eventually break through them. They got into Hogwarts for bloody sakes. I know she loves this place, but it just isn't safe here anymore, not now."

"I didn't even think about it, and I left her here alone for hours while I was at Hogwarts..."

"I'm not blaming you," Tonks corrected immediately, giving his arm a gentle and reassuring squeeze. "You did the very best you could with what you knew and had. I'm an auror, it's my job to think that way. Maybe Moody's rubbed off on me with his 'constant vigilence' shtick."

"Did you have some place in mind?"

"Well headquarters seems the most obvious place. Moody's already changed the wards, and there would always be more than a few well-trained wands on hand to look out for her. She could see Harry and Ron, Ginny again..." Remus shook his head.

"Look we all know that house is rotten, but the people in it are alright, and it's the best defended and warded house we've got, she's an incredibly smart witch, I'm sure she'd understand if..." Remus continued to shake his head, he couldn't imagine sending Hermione back to that place. He wasn't even sure he wanted to set foot in #12 again, but to ask the young witch to live in the house of her dead lover after everything she had been through, it was simply too much to ask of anyone. "We could make it a double homecoming party-for her and Sirius."


	33. Homecoming & the Party Crasher

Remus had watched her speaking and still had to call for her to repeat herself, interrupting her babbling about what sort of decorations and food they should get for the party.

"Dora, what did you just say?" Tonks screwed up her face in concentration trying to remember.

"Firewhiskey," she replied finally. "Been awhile since there's been any happy reason to drink, anyway that's his favorite isn't it?"

"No, before that. Wait, who's favorite?"

"Sirius of course, I thought I remem-, oh bugger I... Remus I'm sorry, I forgot, I didn't think... nobody's told you yet. Last night, nobody is quite sure how, but he fell back through the veil. He's alright, they're keeping him overnight at Saint Mungos for observation, but he's supposed to be coming home back to headquarters tomorrow."

"Sirius," he repeated disbelievingly.

"It's true Remus, he's alive." Remus grabbed her shoulders just as his knees buckled underneath him. It was too good to be true. Already miracle enough that Hermione's babies were both healthy and safe, that the young witch that held him up wanted him in spite of all his faults. That his best friends, the father of the two young babes who slept in the next room was returned from the grave was too much to ask or even hope for after everything they had struggled through these past few months. Remus couldn't have stopped himself if he'd wanted to, no matter how undignified he may have looked, he collapsed into Tonk's arms and wept. Hermione, Remus thought when finally he'd pulled himself together, they had to tell Hermione.

Hermione shook her head, tears filling her eyes, it couldn't be. Even as Tonks stood in front of the bed telling her what little they knew about his return she didn't dare believe it, the metamorphmagi's words seemed to fade away after two impossible words 'He's back.' Even as her heart leapt in spite of herself, Hermione forced her face to remain composed,sparing only a brief significant glance towards Remus who's own face reflected her joy and disbelief. Tonks was not yet aware the significance of the news she shared, Hermione had not been able to bring herself to tell her who the babies father was yet, however kind and well-meaning the young witch was.

"So he's alright," she asked, if she was a little too eager the other witch took no notice of it.

"Fighting the nurses to get out of there, but great. They just want to keep him overnight just in case. He's been asking about you."

"Me," Hermione replied surprised.

"Harry, Ron, the lot," Tonks replied. "The last thing he remembers is the battle in the department of Mysteries. Wanted to make sure everyone was okay." Hermione tried not to show her disappointment.

"Harry must be excited."

"Thrilled," Tonks beamed. "We all are." Hermione nodded.

"So when are we headed to Headquarters?"

* * *

"Tonks I still don't know about this, should we really have a welcome home party his first day back, we don't even know if he will be up for a party," Remus said concerned following the young witch around as she decorated.

"I agree, but try telling that to Molly. So Hermione is upstairs, then?"

"Sleeping," Remus replied nodding, "She finally got the twins down so she's taking advantage of it before everyone get here."

Some hours late Ron held Cassie staring at the tiny hand that grasped his with a quiet sense of wonderment. She was a minature version of her mother. For a brief moment he allowed himself to imagine the little girl with his own red hair. It might have been, in another life, perhaps another world. But then, perhaps it still could be, their father was dead, or so Tonks had said. He spared a meaningful glance at Harry who shook his head. They didn't have the best track record, and Harry had made it clear he could not and would not choose between them.

"She's beautiful Hermione," he managed softly handing his friend her daughter back. Hermione smiled, and Ron for his part couldn't remember the last time he had seen her so happy.

* * *

Silver eyes she had never dared hope to see again caught hers from across the room amidst everyone's shouts of surprise and greetings for the guest of honor. Sirius saw nothing else, nothing but the young witch at the bottom of the stairs, and then she was gone. It was some time before the crowd had thinned, and begun drinking and chatting with others that he could slip away to try and find her. She was not in the library, nor as he had half hoped waiting in his bedroom for him, but in her old bedroom down the hall.

"Mione," he ventured softly to the witch's back, his throat suddenly felt as dry as it had when he'd first uttered her name in the hospital.

The young witch turned around to face the voice she could never forget, and one she had thought she would never hear again. She held a tiny baby boy at her breast, and another sleeping infant lay in a small crib beside her.

"Mione?" Sirius repeated confused.

"Sirius," she whispered. "I..." she tried, looking down at Felix, how could she even begin to explain, to tell him everything that had happened since he had been gone. Did he even want her anymore if it was plus two? He was staring at the baby boy in her arms as if he expected to find he had extra appendages.

But before either could say another word there was a loud bang from downstairs, and a rising number of voices. Hermione gently laid the baby boy back in his crib beside his sister before reflexively grabbing her wand, and dashing to the top of the stairs to see what the commotion was and defend her children. Sirius felt numb. She hadn't said much more than two words to him, had disappeared nearly as soon as he had arrived. He stared at the babes the crib in disbelief. What in the name of Merlin had happened while he was trapped in that bloody veil?

"Hermione move out of the way," Kingsley Shacklebolt said firmly as Sirius approached the bottom of the stairs to see the source of the commotion. The young witch seemed to have wasted little time getting right in the thick of it, and Sirius felt himself start to smile in spite of himself. Maybe she was still the same witch he'd left behind so many months ago. The smile was quickly wiped from his face when he saw the wizard the young woman was protecting from the throng.

"No," the young witch replied, latching on to the long dark robes of the man she was shielding from the dozens of wands trained on him.

"Hermione he killed Dumbledore," Harry pleaded.

"I don't believe it."

"I don't deny it," Severus replied wraspily from behind her, nearly causing her to jump.

"We trusted you Severus," McGonagall whispered tearfully.

"There you see! Step aside before he hurts you," Shacklebolt continued.

"He wouldn't hurt me," Hermione whispered, looking back into his onyx black eyes. Severus felt his heart leap in spite of himself. She believed in him. In spite of all the evidence to the contrary, even in the face of all her friends who told her otherwise, he almost smiled before collapsing to the floor. Hermione dropped to her knees beside him. "He needs help. Don't you see, you think Voldemort would do this to someone he was pleased with? Why would he come here if he betrayed us?"

"He still killed him," Harry insisted. "He even said so."

"And he still needs our help. There must have been a reason. We'll never know unless we help him."

Sirius watched from the top of the stairs as the young witch defended and tended to Dumbledore's murderer. This had to be a dream. He must be in hell, still trapped in the veil. This just wasn't possible. How could the world have become so buggered up in 8 months? How could he have lost his witch to Snevilius bloody Snape?


	34. Disavowed & Resolved

"I wish I could tell you more, but so far as I know she hasn't said so much as a word to anyone about who the father is. She told us she was pregnant a little after you...fell through the veil, and didn't come back this year. Apparently Snape helped her with potions during her pregnancy and to deliver, I reckon Dumbledore probably told him too, but she's dead set on trusting and protecting him. She named Remus their godfather, he might be able to tell you more." Sirius nodded. "I'm sorry about the party, it really wasn't very fair to throw a celebration the moment you get back before you have any time to adjust."

"Don't apologize Harry," Sirius replied shaking his head, "I'm sure Molly had more to do with the event planning than anyone else did."

"Sirius," Harry ventured turning around to look at his godfather once more before leaving his room. "It's good to have you back," he smiled.

* * *

Hermione fought back tears, bouncing her tiny, crying baby boy, the spitting image of his father, the man who could scarcely stand to be in the same room with her. He hadn't said a word to her since he had walked in and seen her with the babies. Sure there had been a turbulant chain of events that followed, she thought, turning her gaze to the bandaged sleeping wizard on her bed, but wasn't this the man who had promised her forever? That he would always love, and always come back for her? Where was that man now?

"I'm sorry baby," she choked softly. "But if he doesn't want you, he's the one that should be sorry," she ammended firmly."Don't you ever let him make you doubt yourself. You will always be loved. Always." A soft and silent tear rolled unnoticed down Severus' cheek.

"If he doesn't want you because of the babies he's a greater fool than I ever thought him capable," Severus choked softly. Hermione gently sat Felix back in his crib, before turning to her other charge.

"Severus?"

"Why did you defend me?"

"You must have known I would, why else would you run the risk and come back here?" Severus shook his head.

"I couldn't stand the thought of losing the faith of the only witch who belived in me."

"I never doubted you," Hermione whispered softly, taking a seat beside him on the edge of the bed.

"He said you wouldn't."

"Dumbledore asked you to didn't he?" Snape nodded slowly.

"He was dying, he thought perhaps his life might save others. He made me take a vow..." It didn't need saying that this was Dumbledore's plan to perhaps save the life of Sirius, and that of her babies.

"And Voldemort-he knows you were a spy?"

"I don't know how he could have found out. I was always careful, and Dumbledore's murder should have sealed his confidience, but... I don't even know how I escaped, but he would not have stopped until I was dead. I failed." Hermione shook her head.

"You are alive."

"To what end? I'm of no use as a spy, no one in the Order will trust me, few ever did. I am so tired. I might have been better dead."

"Don't talk like that. I didn't save you from all those wands out there so you could give up on me now. I can't lose you too."

"You're so strong, stubborn. You always were," Severus smiled. "Those babies couldn't ask for a better mother." The dam broke, tears she had been fighting back burst forth as Hermione collapsed softly on to his chest holding him as tightly as she could without inflicting further injury.

* * *

"Hermione I," Sirius rehearsed pacing the length of his room back and forth, "Mione, I... I don't care who..." But it wasn't true, Sirius did care. How could he not care whose arms his young witch had run to in his absence? How could she have moved on from him so quickly? And with whom? Snape? Perhaps there was something more to the dungeon bat taking care of her while she was pregnant, was he taking responsibility for his progeny? He shook his head, it was too much, too painful to think about. Sirius felt inexplicably alone in his full house.

"Are you going to spend all night in this room talking to yourself, or are you going to march across this hall and take back your witch?" Sirius halted, he hadn't realized Finneaus had returned to his portrait. "Honestly, and you call yourself my great grandson. You never were much of a Black, maybe that's why you weren't enough for her."

"You shut your bloody mouth before I take you down and store you up in the attic," Sirius snapped angrily.

"Better," Finneaus chuckled.

"What do you know," Sirius mumbled. Finneaus laughed.

"You think you are the only Black to have taken a mistress out of wedlock? And a Mudblood too, you really are hell-bent upon breaking your dear mother's heart aren't you?"

"There wasn't anything dear or remotely sweet about my mother, may she rot, and whatever happens between us, I will NOT hear you call her that ever again." Finneaus shrugged.

"She's quite brilliant I will give her that, though I can't say as I can see what she might see in you besides the family's good looks."

Sirius wasn't altogether sure either, never had been if truth be told, their relationship had been so new and delicate when he had fallen through that veil. They had just decided to tell everyone in a few weeks time about the pair of them. And even then, Sirius would not have been entirely surprised if the young witch were to change her mind. It didn't matter, he could wait, would wait, however long it took for her. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. And yet, how long had she waited after he was thought to be dead before another wizard was warming the other side of her bed?

He couldn't stand it anymore, he had to see her. He had to get her back.


	35. Silver Eyes

A soft knock came on the door. "Hermione?"

Hermione felt her heart drop, she needn't ask who was at the door seeking her permission to enter. No amount of time, however long, could lead her to forget the voice of her lover, but she found herself hesitant-terrified even as she reached for her want to lift the wards an let him in.

This was the same man who had promised forever, that he would always come back for her, she tried to remind herself. But it wasn't true, he wasn't the same man she had known those months ago, how could he be, after what he had seen, felt beyond the veil? Merlin only knew. Nor was she the same witch she had been when last they had touched, kissed, the last time they'd made love... She looked over at the crib where her two precious gifts slept peacefully and afforded them a weak smile before unlocking the door, and inviting him in.

Sirius stopped in the frame just short of crossing the threshold. Snape lay on the bed beside her. True he was bandaged and looked half-dead-hardly likely to trying anything with her, but he still didn't like their proximity, the familiarity that existed between them. There was something in the way they were together, in the atrium, and now here in her room, this was not the first time they had been this close, this intimate... When the hell had that happened? Sirius forced himself to swallow his temper, launching into Snape would not help his case, instead turning to the witch by his side who was studying him warily.

His disapproval for the other man who lay on her bed did not go unnoticed, but Hermione was grateful to find he said nothing about it. Seeming instead to turn his attention to her, studying her with an intensity that took her breath away. Drinking her in as if he had been wandering a vast desert, and suddenly found an oasis, water, life. Perhaps, she thought sadly, thinking of the veil, he had been wandering a sort of desert. There was so much she wanted to ask him, but where to begin, and what, she thought nervously, about the babies?

Hermione looked somehow even more beautiful than he had remembered, and Sirius had clung to the memory of her beyond that veil like life itself. Struggling to remember every strand of hair, every spark in her eyes, fighting to get back to her, to his witch, his 'Mione. He would do whatever it took now to make her his again.

Finally their eyes met. Her brown eyes were full of tears, fear. The same quivering doubt he had seen the day he asked to make an honest woman of her.

A quick glance to her hand where it lay in her lap confirmed it, she was still wearing it. His heart skipped several beats. The ring glimmered softly in the candlelight. That had to mean something in his favor, didn't it? Whatever her relationship with Snape or whomever she had been with since he had fallen through the veil they hadn't been able to convince her to get rid of the ring.

"Sirius," she whispered softly, voice shaking ever so slightly.

This was as much invitation as the older wizard needed, or perhaps as much as he could stand, this was the part where she was going to tell him about another wizard, Sirius didn't think he could bear it. To bloody bleeding hell with Snape, or whomever it was. In seconds he had crossed the room and pulled the young witch up from the bed and into his arms, pressing her close into him, and his lips to hers as though hell-bent on swallowing them. Hermione fought to steady weak knees and keep her balance. The heady scent that was somehow distinctly Sirius filled her nostrils, as she clung to his hair, his clothes, his arms, whatever she could reach, almost afraid in letting go he might suddenly disappear and leave her alone once more. Hermione felt her body pressing into his, still a perfect fit, home. Neither pulled apart until it was necessary to breathe. Even still Sirius refused to let go of her, his hands clasped firmly about her waist, which Hermione felt a little self-conscious of the fact was slightly larger than the last time he had done so. This was it, the moment of truth. It had to be, she would have no more courage any other time than in that moment, in his arms, knowing he still loved her.

"Sirius I... I was pregnant..I," Hermione began, feeling tears welling up in her eyes in spite of herself. So they were hers then, not that there had been much doubt in the way she had looked at them when he had first escaped the party to see her, a tenderness, a fierce protectiveness that could only come from motherhood. Sirius shook his head, and Hermione felt her heart break, he didn't want them.

"Whoever he was, whatever he did, I'll do it better, because there's not a wizard, or witch in the world that can love you as much as I do," Sirius swore.

"What?" Hermione took a step back confused. "What are you talking about?" Snape for his part who had been trying to remain unobtrusive, and force himself to sleep as the young witch had insisted, snorted loudly, before wincing.

"He's talking about the father of your children," Severus wheezed with a soft sinister chuckle Sirius couldn't approve of. What the hell was so funny?

"You really think I found somebody else," Hermione whispered turning back to Sirius. Well he had been, until she had said that, and stared at him with such hurt in her chocolate-colored eyes. Until a soft featherlight snore and shuffle of blankets brought his gaze to the days old boy with raven black wisps of hair, who blinked sleepily up at him with bright silver eyes.

"'Mione?"


	36. Just Say Yes

"I was going to tell you when I came home for the summer, but then Harry thought he saw you being tortured in the Ministry during our exams.. I... I didn't want to believe it. I thought.. I thought if you were somehow I would know, would have felt it. But when we tried the floo and there was nothing... I never saw you again. I woke up in the hospital wing and you were dead, without even a body to say goodbye to or bury. You promised you would always be there, always come back, and one day I just wake up and you're gone. Do you know what did to me," Hermione whispered trembling. "I loved you Sirius, only you. There could never be anyone else, not even if you'd never come back from the veil. It was always you."

Sirius tried to speak, but somehow his throat felt impossibly dry, his tongue paralyzed, head spinning. There was no other wizard to compete with. He, Sirius, was her wizard. Always. How could he have been such a git to have ever thought otherwise? And the babies, he thought, his eyes drawn once more to the two tiny sleeping forms.

"I'm a father," Sirius finally managed stunned.

"Sirius," Hermione began softly, eyes still full of tears. Please, she begged silently to whatever higher power might be listening or working on her behalf, don't make me choose between them.

"I'm a father," Sirius repeated louder this time. "I'm a father," he exclaimed chuckling, and before Hermione could say another word he had swept the young witch up in his arms in a fierce hug, spinning her around the room. Sirius lowered her to the ground, but only to pull her into another passionate kiss. "Hermione, I never dreamed I'd ever... I didn't dare hope for this much," he sputtered struggling to find the suitable words to express all of the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

"I was worried maybe you didn't want children," Hermione confessed quietly.

"How could I ever do anything, but love anything that is part of you," he whispered, wiping the tears that flooded her eyes and spilled over her cheeks. She fought them, but found she couldn't help it. It was more than she'd dared hope for too. Sirius was back, was hers, was thrilled about the babies. "Twins," he marveled. "Sweet Merlin, twins. I hope you didn't give your mother too hard of a time," Sirius whispered staring at the two tiny sleeping forms.

"No, that was their Daddy's job," Hermione whispered softly, wrapping her arms around his waist affectionately. Circe how she had missed being able to touch, to hold him in her arms. Sirius chuckled softly, unable to voice how sorry he was for everything his long absence had put her through. He didn't see how he would have acted any differently thinking she and Harry were in trouble, but he had certainly never meant to leave her, and part of him mourned even as he celebrated his new-found fatherhood that Remus and Snape had been there for and with her throughout her pregnancy.

"They're beautiful," Sirius whispered in awe.

"Felix and Cassandra-" Hermione answered softly.

"Black," Sirius cut in.

"Sirius," Hermione began cautiously. Sirius halted, turning to the young witch beside him.

"Don't tell me you won't let me make an honest woman of you **_now_**," Sirius whispered so as not to wake the two slumbering babes in their crib. "You're still wearing the ring."

"It's never left my finger," Hermione whispered.

"Well," he asked impatient. "So what's to stop you becoming the next Mrs. Black?"

"Sirius I haven't told anyone about us, about who the babies father is except for Remus and Severus."

"Well they'll have until the wedding to get used to the idea, won't they?" Hermione almost laughed, although she didn't doubt for a moment he was serious.

"You don't think that's a bit sudden to thrust on them? They're just getting used to the idea that you aren't dead."

"And you're back after you've been MIA for 8 months," Sirius added shrugging as if this were no great matter.

"Sirius I don't want you to marry me just because of the babies." Sirius frowned slightly at this.

"Why is it so impossible for you to believe that I love you? I wanted to marry you before Felix and Cassandra, and I still do. I know it's a bit out of order, it's not as if either of us planned it this way, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you, and I won't love them with everything I am. To hell with whatever anyone else thinks about it," Sirius urged. Weren't they going to tell everyone about them before the mess at the Ministry? What had changed? Well, besides the obvious. They still loved one another, what did anything else matter? "You always put everyone else ahead of yourself. This not about them, it's about us. What do you want 'Mione?"

"I have everything I could ever want," she whispered fighting more tears, looking between him and her two sleeping children. "Sirius, I thought I would never see you again," Hermione choked.

"Exactly. We know better than anyone else how unpredictable and precious life is," Sirius countered taking her hand in his. "I don't want to wait to spend another minute with you, not for everyone else to get comfortable with the idea of us, not for anything. They love and care about both of us, they'll come around to it soon enough."

Hermione was dumbfounded, and could think of no good argument against this. Sirius was right, she knew exactly how precious and fleeting life could be. She couldn't imagine another night without Sirius now that he was back from the grave. And everyone in the Order, the Weasleys, Harry, they all loved and cared about them, they had all seen that in the large party of people that had welcomed the two of them back into the fold. Even if it wouldn't have been their first choice for either of them, surely once they saw how happy they made one another they wouldn't have any objections.

"Marry me," Sirius whispered, taking her hand. When had he got on his knees. "Marry me Hermione Jean Granger, and make me the happiest man in the world, and I'll spend every day, and _night_ making it up to you." Count on Sirius to throw an innuendo into his proposal, Hermione thought fighting a smirk.

"You're such a git," Hermione laughed softly shaking her head.

"A git who's absolutely besotted with you. So what do you think, could you see spending the rest of your life with that?"

"Yes," Hermione smiled unable to fight or contain it anymore.

"Yes?"

"Yes Sirius, I will marry you."


End file.
